What comes to mind when you think of resilience? For many of us it is a word that can induce feelings of shame and inadequacy. We may have got the impression that it is something that we as individuals are responsible for and that our individual mindset holds the key. Metaphors and vocabulary associated with resilience sometimes touch on alpha male and even military themes - “soldier on”, “toughness”, “strength”, “rolling with the punches”, “staying power”, “unyielding”, “relentless”.
Studies and self-help books often refer to military personnel and elite athletes as examples of resilience. It can sometimes seem as though it is only those with the most resources (finance, assets, etc.) who are resilient. An individual appears to make themself resilient by being mentally tough, emotionally controlled, physically strong, single-minded, self-centred and focused on gathering whatever they can get their hands on. So, anyone who doesn’t have this approach to life or happens to struggle to identify with this mindset finds it impossible in such a culture to believe that they can be resilient. But, I believe there is good reason to question this model and the individualism on which it is based.
Culturally we have become increasingly distanced from one another and from the behind the scenes of much of life. We can live under the impression that we are highly autonomous because we can get what we want delivered to our door with a few clicks of a mouse or taps on a screen. Surrounded by our products and empty boxes we can somehow convince ourselves that we are single-handedly looking after ourselves. We can too readily claim the credit for other people’s work and systems that are functioning relatively unseen. We all build on what others have done before us. But all too often, we’ve done little more than pay to get someone else to do the work (or, worse still, found ways of getting it for free, often through manipulating and devaluing other people). So much for being a splendid island – every individual relies on those around them.
Not convinced? Let’s try a little thought experiment and drop you off on a deserted island and see how you get on. Aside from an introvert being initially delighted with the peace and quiet, this quickly becomes not just a challenge but a matter of life and death. Perhaps you find ways to survive. You use knowledge and skills to help you find food, water and shelter. But, where did those skills, where did that knowledge come from? How did you know that boiling water helps make it safer to drink? How did you know about it potentially being unsafe in the first place?
How did you know which plants to eat or how to light a fire? We share the collective experience and wisdom of those who have gone before us. If each of us had to start from scratch the world would look very different to how it is today. An uneducated child with no resources, training or assistance from others would have to rediscover the basics of survival or perish.
When things go wrong, how do we cope? If our nervous system signals danger, how do we return to a calm state? Not only do we rely on others to assist us with the practicalities of solving problems, we need them to help us achieve a balance between calm and activation. Babies can’t soothe themselves; they learn it from the adults around them. We don’t outgrow this “co- regulation” – it is something that our relationships and communities help us with. Whether we realise it or not, other people help us to manage our emotions and find ways of making sense of our experiences. For better or for worse, other people’s emotional states affect us and we affect them. Safety comes from being around others who make us feel safe. Belonging provides us with a base to explore from with a safe harbour to return to.
Resilience is being able to carry on despite challenges. It is coping with difficulties, solving problems and surviving crises. When you stop and think about it, there is very little that we can do that doesn’t involve other people in that process. A few deep breathing exercises and telling yourself how strong you are deep down is only going to get you so far... Our lives are interwoven with each other and with the world around us. It is like a multi-layered ecosystem where many things hang together in tension relying on one another. We have evolved together in such a way that our existences are mutually supporting. Disconnect a tree from its ecosystem and its abilityto thrive or even survive are in question. In its natural setting, it is freely supported by the ecosystem around it and in turn it freely supports the ecosystem. One organism thriving to the detriment of the others would eventually destroy the ecosystem and that organism in turn would perish having lost the supportive network, the ecosystem, that sustained it. There is no room for individualism or imperialism in an ecosystem.
Ecosystems need diversity in order to flourish. A forest of just one type of tree is more at risk should a threatening virus, bacteria or fungal infection arrive. Difference provides a buffer – where one is weak another can be strong. Healthy, diverse ecosystems can withstand threats because together the members gain resources and protection from the others. Resources can be distributed to where there is need and warning signals can be sent to help others meet challenges or take advantage of opportunities. Plants and trees signal to one another, triggering immune system responses to fight off predators and infections or stimulating nectar production to make the most of the chance to become pollinated through the arrival of bees, for example. So-called “mother trees” nurture the growth of younger saplings. Fungi interact with different species, exchanging spare resources for things they need. We are only just beginning to understand the true complexity and functional integration of our ecosystems.
We evolved and continue to live in ecosystems. Mutuality and diversity are the keys to resilience, not mindsets and money. Yes, we all need resources of various kinds (material, mental, etc), but these are not things we should withhold from one another or compete to stockpile for ourselves. Such living is driven by fear that the ecosystem will somehow perish and fail to provide. Yet, paradoxically, it is this hoarding attitude that is more likely to harm that ecosystem and undermine the provision we rely on. Siloing populations, separating rather than integrating our diversity all undermine the natural resilience of our ecosystems.
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