[New post] Self care & the problematic definitions of “selfishness”, “work” & “family”
Gabriel de Larch posted: " The incalculably problematic definitions of "selfish", "work" and "family" we have been forcefed are so, so damaging. "Me time", with the whole work:life balance conversation emptily spewing from Capitalism's mouth simply creates another carrot we"
The incalculably problematic definitions of "selfish", "work" and "family" we have been forcefed are so, so damaging.
"Me time", with the whole work:life balance conversation emptily spewing from Capitalism's mouth simply creates another carrot we can't reach and we once again use the stick to beat ourselves up.
I remind myself that everyone in a community which is privileged enough to have the option of "me time" never have time for it and feel selfish for even wanting it.
In nuclear families under Capitalism, "me time" becomes something that people tell themselves will happen when the kids leave or when they retire. And because the idea that the nuclear family is the will of God, the epitome of success, people within families that are not nuclear still abide by the notion that resting is an exercise in delayed gratification; something that we need to earn.
Noah and I are privileged enough to not have to work anywhere near to 9-5, but we still struggle with taking the very necessary time to recharge our batteries. Partly because it feels selfish, partly because we have this ingrained belief that we don't work hard enough to deserve it - which is based on the idea that pursuits, like writing and art and working hard at healing are not real work - and partly because of internalised ableism - we are neurodivergent and function in very different ways to neurotypical and the 9-5ers.
But can anyone function that way?
The current System, and the way it makes us feel about ourselves and our self worth, is precisely so unsustainable because it doesn't prioritise allowing people to recover from it in order to function better within it. (How utterly stupid is that?! One would think that a system bred over decades since the Industrial Era would be better thought out than that!) It is a dysfunctional way of life because it breeds dysfunctional people.
Selfishness, at the necessary end of the spectrum, in the form of the self care of "me time" is therefore a revolutionary act. A defiance of the way working to the point of burnout is revered. Selfishness is an act that will heal individuals and therefore the system we live in.
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