There are certain personality characteristics that are highly correlated with academic and professional success: dedication to work, attention to detail, ability to manage time, conscientiousness. People who have this constellation of traits are generally excellent students and productive workers. They can also be difficult to live with.
Think about it; those who demand much of themselves frequently have high standards of performance for those around them. In a work situation, this is usually an adaptive approach. In one's personal life, the keeping of lists, perfectionist attitudes, devotion to effort over pleasure and friendships, lack of flexibility, and stubbornness do not wear as well and tend to alienate those who value closeness, relaxation and tolerance.
A certain amount of compartmentalization is necessary to succeed in different areas of our lives. Juggling our multiple responsibilities - worker, partner, parent, friend - is a challenge. We think of ourselves as the same person whatever we may be doing at the moment. But our different roles demand different attitudes. If we try to impose a businesslike, vertically integrated decision - making structure on our families, we are likely to encounter resentment and resistance . Conversely, If our style tends to be impulsive , superficial and pleasure -seeking, we may find it to difficult to succeed at work." ― Gordon Livingston M.D.
( PS: I read Dr Livingston's wise book - Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart, Thirty True things you Need to Know Now. Book recommendation - Team Founding Fuel)
I read Dr. Livingston book's book in one go. The only people that have played a role in your's truly's life has been doctors and family. So read and follow all advise by physicians. The book recommendation was from Team Founding Fuel whose insights are very good.
I made a decision to stick to books and family very early in life. I do not know if its a fair decision. My doctor friend told me - " You lead a committed life. You have paid a price in the process." I stuck to same nevertheless. Sometimes feel acute despair that could have done taken the conventional path and had a comfortable life. May be should read - Daniel Pink's book - The Power of Regrets : How looking backwards Moves us forward. Will another book change behavior? don't think so, will probably read one more book..
Its not about book. It's about choices and behavior. We are all wired differently and as long as don't hate each other for choices. It's all fine. Although all that got so far has been disregard and skepticism publicly. ( Although privately have been praised a lot.) It's called politics. It's okay. One must have a big impersonal goal - innovation and technology advancement to radically change the infrastructure of society, motivate children to go to school and study, empowerment of girl child, climate change action and economic progress of the country. These are my big goals. These are all the goals of young people. Look who is involved in climate change action or who volunteers in poor schools? young people. I stayed young in spirit.
I have no clue how to achieve big impersonal goals. As a rule want to continue working in industry and keep volunteering for causes. I liked Dr. Livingston's book because much because of agency even in therapy when invested in behaviors. There is much we can do to take action. So we don't just exist or ruminate in intentions. That is the biggest worry about the on going theme of this blog. The path to hell is paved with good intentions. I just do not want to lament casually. I don't. I read a comment on social media by a young public servant that honesty without confidence is of little consequence. It true and agree with that statement. Confidence and courage are too different things. So courage is going ahead even when one is overcome with crippling anxiety. I just have to find ways to shake that and take one step.That never stopped one from taking risks or action. The failures led to more anxiety.
We do not like to think of ourselves as trapped. This is, after all, the land of opportunity. We are surrounded by images of success. Our culture presents us constantly with stories of people who rose from obscurity to fame, often with limited talent. Rather than take hope from these stories, most people absorb them as additional indications of their own inadequacy. We are also confused and put
off by the apparent ease with which these transformations occur. The slowness with which productive change actually takes place does not play well in an impatient society. Where do we find the determination and patience required to achieve the things we want?
― Gordon Livingston M.D
I will revisit Dr. Livingston's book for its timeless wisdom. Initially read the book to understand therapy and offer hope to family. My brother is my hero. I wish had good friends though. Friendship is not giving instructions or criticisms. Friendships is being there for each other. May be its illusion. This for today.
Sincerely, Suresh
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