Although the phrase had predated social media and the existence of TikTok for about a decade, it was not until 2019 that the phrase "ok, boomer," became a meme, part of our daily culture. In response to a recording of a middle-aged man in his 50s complaining that Millennials suffer from Peter Pan syndrome, a refusal to grow up and make adult decisions of commitment, sacrifice, and institution building, many thousands of young TikTok users responded with the meme, "Ok, boomer."
As many of us may already know, "boomer" is a common nickname for the generation born after World War II, in an era of rising political power for the United States on the global stage but radical social change within the US. Many boomers, especially white middle-class boomers, benefited from many legal and social changes that made it easier to get a job that you could stay in for decades while being able to afford a home in suburbia.
However, many of the privileges that the 80s and 90s afforded to the middle-class Americans of the boomer generation nearly disappeared by the late 2000s and 2010s. Expectations for educational background grew at the same time that tuition rates for college and graduate programs skyrocketed. Housing in urban areas and in the suburbs of major cities became nearly unaffordable due to housing policies and gentrification.
And since the 2008 Great Recession, job security became much less reliable than in past decades. For "millennials," the adult children of Boomers and Gen X that were born between the mid-1980s and the late 90s, the confluence of these factors has made the middle-class lifestyle they grew up idealizing very difficult to achieve and maintain. The combination of rising tuition and higher education requirements for starting positions has both delayed the start of many people's careers while also making it more difficult to build wealth over time. Rising housing costs and inflation in other areas has made it necessary for couples be double income, even though childcare costs become so exorbitant that they nearly wipe out any possibility of significant savings and investment.
Many of you know this from your own experience or that of members of your family. When Millennials respond to criticisms of their delayed careers and lack of stability in jobs and housing with "Ok, boomer," that is sometimes what they have in mind. They are frustrated about being accused of laziness and entitlement, when, to them, it feels like they have it harder, in some ways, than their parents did. Unfortunately, however, the generational divide between the Boomer and Millennial generations has only worsened since the meme took off in popularity. Millennials and their successors, Gen Z, have used "Ok, boomer" to dismiss just about anything that prior generations have to say. At the same time, some boomers have become so upset and offended by the phrase "ok, boomer," that they consider it an ageist slur.
What can be done to address this counterproductive intergenerational battle? What are some perspectives that can help each group adjust their mindsets and partner together to address the challenges facing each generation?
To start, let's begin with another set of questions. This morning, we read about Moshe's difficulties with the Jewish People as they left Sinai and headed into the Wilderness. They complained repeatedly about the conditions of the desert, the food available to them and what they felt they were missing. Specifically, they complain about the lack of meat:
וְהָאסַפְסֻף אֲשֶׁר בְּקִרְבּוֹ הִתְאַוּוּ תַּאֲוָה וַיָּשֻׁבוּ וַיִּבְכּוּ גַּם בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל וַיֹּאמְרוּ מִי יַאֲכִלֵנוּ בָּשָׂר׃ זָכַרְנוּ אֶת־הַדָּגָה אֲשֶׁר־נֹאכַל בְּמִצְרַיִם חִנָּם אֵת הַקִּשֻּׁאִים וְאֵת הָאֲבַטִּחִים וְאֶת־הֶחָצִיר וְאֶת־הַבְּצָלִים וְאֶת־הַשּׁוּמִים׃
The riffraff in their midst felt a gluttonous craving; and then the Israelites wept and said, "If only we had meat to eat! We remember the fish that we used to eat free in Egypt, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic.
Moshe is so upset by their whining and grievances that he tells ה׳ that he can no longer bear the yoke of leadership of Israel. He even asks the רבונו של עולם to let him die so that he not see his failure in leading the Jewish People in their state of decadence. Asks Rav Moshe Lichtenstein, why does Moshe give up in response to this particular complaint? After all, the Jewish People had protested and whined before about lack of water and other challenges of the desert in the time between the Exodus and their arrival at Sinai more than a year earlier. In those previous incidents, found in פרשת בשלח, Moshe handle previous sins and complaints by the Jewish People with patience and courageously defend them to G-d. Why does he feel incapable of addressing the similar protests here in פרשת בהעלותך?
Moreover, the Torah connects two stories that we might have thought do not need to be related. הקב״ה tells Moshe to choose seventy זקנים, elders, to assist him in leading the Jewish People. However, although the appointment of these men does take place, apparently two men who were chosen, אלדד and מידד, did not join the rest of the group outside the camp and stayed home. When they began prophesying inside the camp anyway, יהושע saw it as a threat to Moshe and suggested arresting them or stopping them in some way. Moshe rejects יהושע's proposal, instead expressing his wish that every Jewish person would experience prophecy, as well. Why does the Torah connect this story specifically with the Jewish People's complaint about the lack of meat in the desert? In what way were אלדד and מידד a factor in the drama around the complaint about meat and Moshe's frustration with בני ישראל?
Says Rav Moshe Lichtenstein, in order to understand this story, we have to remember that Moshe was 80 years old at the time they left Egypt. When the Jewish People complained about the lack of water or food, as they did between the Red Sea and Sinai, he related to that problem and did not see it as a moral failure on the part of the younger people that he was leading. But when they started asking for meat, for food beyond just מן miraculously falling from the sky and water from a miraculous well, when they started asking for the luxuries of fish, cucumbers, and melons, he saw it as a sign of the moral weakness of the אספסוף, the "riffraff." He resented their sense of entitlement, their unreasonable expectations, their impossible demands. Meat? In the desert? Where do they think they are? Who do they think they are?
It is true that ה׳ is quite critical of the way they complained, even referring to it as כִּי־מְאַסְתֶּם את ה׳ אֲשֶׁר בְּקִרְבְּכֶם, as a rejection of G-d, since they said they regretted leaving Egypt. At the same time, Hashem did provide them with meat, as they requested. הקב״ה did not see what they were asking for as entitled or immature – it was a request that was not beyond Him to provide. The younger generation that משה dismissed ultimately deserved to be heard rather than treated with condescension. Therefore, when משה chooses 70 men who were elders, זקני ישראל, to assist with addressing the concerns of the people, אלדד and מידד noticed a problem.
The גמרא in סנהדרין says that the elders were chosen to be דומין לך, similar to Moshe. In contrast with the others chosen, says Rav Moshe, אלדד and מידד were members of the next generation, were a different generation and of a different mindset than Moshe. As רש״י explains, they said to themselves:
אֵין אָנוּ כְּדַאי לִגְדֻלָּה זוֹ
We are not fit for this greatness
They did not think they belonged. Rav Moshe Lichtenstein points out that, according to the מדרש, when they started prophesying, the substance of their message was shocking. They were saying ״משה מת יהושע מכניס את ישראל לארץ״, that Moshe would die and יהושע would be the one to bring Israel into the Land.
Says Rav Moshe, this was not an attempt at a coup. It was an expression of their concern about the generation gap between Moshe and the newly appointed זקנים and the majority of the people, especially those complaining about the meat. They felt that Moshe was not properly relating to the next generation of Jews and that if that did not change, he would fail to bring the people into the Land. For his part, יהושע saw this as blasphemous, as a threat to משה. When יהושע suggests אֲדֹנִי מֹשֶׁה כְּלָאֵם, "My master, Moshe, arrest them," רש״י offers a fascinating interpretation. He says that יהושע meant that they should either arrest אלדד and מידד and imprison them or that they should be הַטֵּל עֲלֵיהֶם צָרְכֵי צִבּוּר וְהֵם כָּלִים מֵאֲלֵיהֶם, burden them with public service, which would bring them to their end.
יהושע thought their refusal to engage in leadership was a symptom of exactly what Moshe was originally worried about. They were entitled, spoiled, disrespectful, unappreciative of the sacrifices made by Moshe and his generation. For Moshe, however, it was through אלדד and מידד that he finally understood what was happening. Instead of punishing אלדד and מידד, the Torah says משה tried to respond to their concerns:
וַיֵּאָסֵף מֹשֶׁה אֶל־הַמַּחֲנֶה הוּא וְזִקְנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל׃
Moses then gathered to the camp with the elders of Israel.
Whereas Moshe had removed his tent from the camp after חטא העגל and had brought the זקנים outside the camp to appoint them, he now reversed that policy, bringing the זקנים inside the camp to where אלדד and מידד remained. He tried to respond to the generation gap. Unfortunately, Moshe's reconciliation with younger people failed. In order to allay the fears and anxieties of the younger generation, Moshe chose leaders from among them, rather than the current נשיאים of each tribe, to serve as the מרגלים, the scout sent to survey Canaan. Unfortunately, with the exception of יהושע and כלב, these men were not ready for the task. They told horror stories of the walled cities and giant inhabitants in Canaan and caused a panic among the people. Ironically, as a result of this failure to rise to the occasion, the same generation that complained about life in the desert was then condemned to live and die in it for the next four decades.
In other words, when there is intergenerational conflict, there are responsibilities that fall on both sides. The generation that is more established, that currently holds the reins of power, must not ignore the concerns of the next generation. We need to recognize that the world changes rapidly and that circumstances of people younger than us may be very different from our own experience. We need to trust them to know what they need and work toward addressing their concerns, not dismissing them. We must notice and listen to the אלדדs and מידדs of our time.
But the people who are not yet in charge, millennials, if you will, also have a responsibility. They must realize that institutions do not run by themselves. Great challenges have been faced and overcome by the people before them and the institutions they rely on for the life they live now requires investment, requires constant maintenance and care.
Jewish institutions, including schools, shuls, Yeshivot, charities, like their secular counterparts around the world, are suffering because of the divide between boomers and millennials. We must not take for granted what their parents and teachers have built for us and find ways to be the leaders this generation needs. May Hashem grant us success in rebuilding the harmony and trust between generations that we desperately need for our shared future.
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