In her new series My shorts Alice creates snapshots of life from the gutter looking up at the stars over the rats and bins in a sodden (and soddin') Welsh town. This one goes back to that feeling we have when we are lost in abuse and we don't know it's abuse but we feel tired and wired all the time and we're being mind controlled but we deny it. everything looks ok to visitors. Channelling my story 2015 and Bluebeard, friends. Best bit of part 3: 'that look' they all gave her unpeeled those secrets that had hardened around her broken skin
I forgot what he wanted me to say................
she could not believe in her own escape. So she stayed on and on and it went on and on.........this 'nothing happened' didn't happen again and again....... She heard the warnings and she said she didn't and she closed the door in the faces of her family because 'that look' they all gave her unpeeled those secrets that had hardened around her broken skin. She believed in those secrets at least. So that was something...... She clung to them when she was cold and hungry and the bed was rocking because the promise was - had been - is safety, warmth and food. Until Death Do 'us' Part.
she could not believe in her own escape so she ignored the keys covered in blood. She locked the doors to her own cage and decorated it - with permission. Visitors looked around her cage with envious eyes and this helped her to believe in her desire to fill it on Christmas and birthdays. So there was that belief too...........so that was something.
she could not believe in her own escape so the voices in her head became one voice through that winter. And then He said: Let there be silence. And lo there was silence. And although she constantly tripped over the keys, she never picked them up. She wanted only one thing - to hear that voice again. Telling her what to do, think, feel. The Requirements. She had forgotten how to do Life herself. Something inside was dismantled and once the final piece was pulled down around her she still looked the same. But there was nothing left of her to escape.
Alice can be reached at 361diamond.co.uk 361 Recovery programme for women survivors coming back March 2024
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