Throughout this year's season of Married At First Sight I have shared observations about the way that Lucinda, rather than be matched with a man with shared interests, was cast into a modern day story of Beauty and the Beast.
She was matched with Timothy, a man who shared none of her interests and is her opposite and oppositional in many ways.
The "Beauty and the Beast" syndrome is a term used to describe a common narrative in which a dedicated and loyal woman's love and kindness are believed to have the magical power to transform a beastly or emotionally distant man into a better person.
This narrative, while seemingly romantic, can actually perpetuate harmful stereotypes and contribute to power imbalances in relationships.This narrative, while seemingly romantic, can actually perpetuate harmful stereotypes and contribute to power imbalances in relationships.
In the classic fable, Beauty's unwavering love and compassion ultimately lead to the Beast's transformation into a handsome prince. This narrative suggests that women have the responsibility and power to change men through their love and patience. However, it overlooks the importance of mutual respect, communication, and boundaries in healthy relationships.
By romanticising the idea of "fixing" or "saving" a man, the Beauty and the Beast syndrome reinforces the notion that women should prioritise their partner's needs and emotions over their own.
It sets unrealistic expectations for women to tolerate lack of engagement or emotional unavailability in the hopes of eventually being rewarded with a transformed partner.
Additionally this narrative often glorifies traits associated with the "bad boy" archetype, such as brooding masculinity or emotional unavailability. It suggests that these qualities are inherently desirable and worth pursuing, despite the potential for harm or imbalance in the relationship.
Both partners should feel valued and supported, with each person contributing to the growth and well-being of the relationship. Instead of perpetuating the Beauty and the Beast syndrome, it's important to challenge these outdated narratives and promote healthier dynamics based on communication, empathy, and mutual understanding.
Ultimately, the Beauty and the Beast syndrome serves as a cautionary tale, highlighting the dangers of idealising unhealthy relationship dynamics and reinforcing harmful gender stereotypes. True love should not require one person to sacrifice their own needs or endure mistreatment in the hopes of sparking change in their partner.
The following is a summary of the original Beauty and the Beast fairy story and how that relates to coercive control and power imbalances in relationships.
The original "Beauty and the Beast" fairy tale, written by Jeanne-Marie Leprince de Beaumont in the 18th century, tells the story of a kind-hearted young woman named Beauty who agrees to live in a castle with a mysterious Beast in order to save her father.
Over time, Beauty discovers that the Beast is not as monstrous as he appears; he is actually a prince under a curse. Through her compassion and kindness, Beauty breaks the curse and transforms the Beast back into a prince.
The connection between the original fairy tale and coercive control lies in the dynamics of power and control present in the story.
In the tale, the Beast holds power over Beauty by virtue of her father's indebtedness and her own sense of duty to sacrifice herself for her family. This power dynamic is further reinforced by the Beast's physical strength and imposing presence.
Similarly, in cases of coercive control and domestic violence, perpetrators often exert power and control over their victims through various means such as manipulation, intimidation, isolation, and threats.
They can also be a much more subtle, covert form of control through silence withdrawal and offering the possibility of changing the relationship further down the track . Tim's description oh himself as a "slow burn" suggested that their connection may blossom, things may change, however that illusion evaporated when Lucinda met his friends who suggested that aloofness and distance is not the case. He usually dotes on women and finally when he left her for hours in his dark and uninspiring man cave apartment, Lucinda the beauty finally faced how she was being treated.
In some circumstances the "Beauty" may feel trapped in the relationship due to financial dependence, fear of retaliation, or a sense of obligation to their partner or family.
Whilst this was not the case in the MAFS telling of the Beauty and the Beast story we saw that Lucinda emphasised her commitment to the wounded Tim in spite of receiving very little from him she continued to pour her magnificent, unwavering light upon him.
In both of these scenarios, there is a dynamic of one person exerting control over another, whether it be through physical force (as in the case of the Beast in the original fairytale) or through psychological manipulation and emotional withdrawal .
While the original fairy tale portrays Beauty's kindness and compassion as ultimately leading to the Beast's redemption, it's important to note that real-life situations of coercive control and the bad boy or wounded man syndrome cannot be resolved simply through the Beauty's efforts to be understanding or forgiving.
In the original Beauty and the Beast story, there are several instances where Beauty prioritises the Beast's needs over her own, often resulting in consequences for herself.
Here are five key points illustrating this dynamic:
- Agreeing to Take Her Father's Place: When Beauty's father becomes indebted to the Beast, Beauty selflessly offers to take his place in the Beast's castle. Despite her own desires and dreams, she sacrifices her freedom to protect her father, demonstrating her sense of duty and selflessness.
- Choosing to Stay with the Beast: After arriving at the castle, Beauty decides to stay despite initially feeling fear and uncertainty. She chooses to honour her promise and remain with the Beast, prioritising her commitment over her own comfort and desires.
- Showing Kindness and Compassion: Throughout her time in the castle, Beauty treats the Beast with kindness and compassion, despite his intimidating appearance and gruff demeanour. She consistently puts effort into understanding him and tries to alleviate his loneliness, showing empathy and concern for his well-being.
- Rejecting Wealth and Luxury: When the Beast offers Beauty lavish gifts and luxurious accommodations, she humbly refuses, recognising that material possessions do not outweigh the importance of genuine connection and kindness. By prioritising emotional fulfilment over material wealth, Beauty demonstrates her integrity and values.
- Risking Her Life to Save the Beast: In the climax of the story, Beauty realises that the Beast is dying due to his love for her. Despite her own fear and uncertainty, she decides to return to the castle and profess her love for him, risking her own life in the process. Her willingness to sacrifice herself for the Beast ultimately leads to his transformation and their happily ever after.
Throughout these key points in the story, Beauty consistently places the Beast's needs and well-being above her own, often facing personal challenges and sacrifices as a result.
While her actions ultimately lead to a happy, fairy-tale resolution, they also highlight the complexities of selflessness and the importance of maintaining boundaries and prioritising one's own needs in healthy relationships.
As this years MAFS season drawers to a close, Lucinda Beauty has affirmed on her post-show interviews that through this experience she has come to really know herself, though she did not find the love that she was looking for. She has many new fans and dedicated followers who have been inspired by her true beauty and wisdom.
In this modern day retailing an old fairytale whilst the Beauty's generous, kind, funny, quirky, thoughtful and endearing ways remained consistent throughout the weeks and months of MAFS, hopefully the viewing audience of women who are seeking relationships will not get drawn into an affirmation that the Beauty and the Beast story is still relevant for these times.
It isn't.
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