There's a quote that is often attributed to CS Lewis that says, "love is never wasted, for it's value does not rest on reciprocity." I'm not sure if he actually said it and I don't recall seeing it in his writings? I've searched this matter out because the quote always annoys me on some level. Seems like a very convenient thing for a "taker" or a narcissist to say. It's as if they are saying, So YOU need to just give unconditionally with no boundaries, storing your treasures up in heaven just because it's the right thing to do, and no reciprocity or gratitude is ever required on my part.
Pfffttt. Methinks not.
Just for the record, this is a discussion or a debate that has gone on since the dawn of time. Romans 6 in the Bible talks about it. Yayyy, we're not under the law anymore so now we got a get-out-of-jail-free-card like in Monopoly and can do anything we want! "God forbid", as it says in the KJV. I'm laughing because the nature of people and the issues we deal with sure doesn't change much over time. Grace is a free gift, one cannot do anything to deserve it or to earn it, but that is a very different thing from asking, so how ought someone to respond to this marvelous gift? Does anything change within us in the process of receiving it?
Now that all being said and done and gotten out of the way, one of the most beautiful things about our Christian faith is that love really is not based on reciprocity. Why do I appreciate this truth so much?? Because the world tries to convince us that it is, that the myth of reciprocity is true. "Just do unto others and they'll do unto you," is so not in the Bible. "Just be a good person and it will all work out," is so not in the Bible. In fact, the Bible is plumb full of messages, truths that completely contradict those worldly notions.
Why might it be a good thing that those notions are contradicted?? Because doing the right thing often comes with a price, not a reward. If love were all about reciprocity, you would be getting wages, rewards, and social favor and as a result only the kindest, most holy people would ever be running the world. Far too often what happens instead is that the world just tries to devour you. And of course, love itself can be very painful, mostly because it guarantees you will experience loss and grief. One star, do not recommend.
So love will often cost you something, it can be really painful, there is little or no reciprocity, it is not survival oriented, it is not socially admired, and it is not logical or reason based. So it's counter intuitive and counter indicated. Why then does anybody even try? Many don't. Still others chase after that elusive hope of reciprocity and just get into chronic people pleasing. So if you are going to love it is really important to have a "why," One that keeps you focused, One that picks you up when all is lost. It's also really important to a have a history, an ancestry of others who have been there and done that, walked in your very shoes.
One of my favorite verses is 1 John 4:19, "We love because he first loved us." I seldom do this but I should, I mean it would be accurate to look at somebody, say some angry cage stage Twitter Christian, and to think, "hmm, you do not act like somebody who is truly loved." Love simply has a kind of reciprocity to it. When we are allowing the Lord to pour His love into us, we are not raging at the whole world, plagued by fear, or consumed by a need for power and control.
Something that really irks me, a lot of Christians have shortened Mark 12:30-31 down to "love God, love people." There are even songs written about that. I am forever stomping my feet and insisting that is so not a two part commandment at all, it has three parts, "as yourself." We cannot continue to cut out the part that says, "all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." What is the common denominator all over those verses? YOU, all YOUR parts. We cannot "love God, love people" in a non emotional, non involved, non participatory manner, as if we ourselves are not even in the equation at all. That might seem virtuous and sacrificial on the surface, but it actually isn't.
CS Lewis most likely did really say, "There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken......The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."
No comments:
Post a Comment