Something told me that once I finally let someone in my life love me again, it would all eventually go downhill. It wasn't because the person will eventually get sick of me and stop loving me, but my life was incapable of allowing another person to love me. I figured this out on my first official date with Sahim one night.
I ran back to my room after practice one night, stripping everything off my body and getting into the shower. I didn't have much time to think about what I was going to wear or do with my hair, but knowing Sahim he wouldn't care so much about that. I couldn't lie to myself and say I wasn't nervous; sure, Sahim and I have spent a lot of time together as if they were dates, but this was the first one that we went on where we were now officially dating. Since telling Aimee, she has called me non-stop, wanting details of what our first date was going to be.
"Girl, we're just going to some karaoke bar downtown," I said over the phone as I looked in the mirror. "This is the most simple first official date I've had at this point."
"But that's the thing," Aimee began to say. "This is your first date with Sahim as his girlfriend." I felt my face get hot hearing Aimee say it; I haven't even said it out loud to myself.
"It's going to be fine," I tell myself more than Aimee. It's just Sahim, your co-worker-turned-lover-boyfriend... "I'm more worried about him hearing how I sound singing karaoke than being on a date with him."
"Oh he'll tune you out," Aimee teased before laughing. "Seriously though, go out and have fun. You've had a lot on your plate ever since Sonia gave you this side-project for the production. Aimee wasn't wrong; I feel like I haven't had the time to actually enjoy my free time since taking on these dance projects. Not only did I have to choreograph a completely new section of the production, but Sonia wanted me to actually come up with a solo routine for the closing portion of the show as well. I didn't have much time left in Korea; the production has exactly 20 more weeks left before it's over. It sounds like a while from now, but to think that we've already been here for the production for nearly 6 months now is mind-blowing.
"I know," I said as I began to do my hair. I didn't have time to straighten it, so a updo was going to have to do the trick for this date. "I'm excited though. It should be fun tonight."
...
Sahim and I went to this karaoke place in downtown Changwon that Summer had suggested. Although surrounded by other brightly-lit stores, it was located on a street that wasn't as busy with tourists. Sahim opened the front door for me as we both entered the place.
We walked into one of the karaoke rooms fill of blinking LED lights accompanied by two microphones and a TV up on the wall.
"This is a cute little spot," Sahim said as he looked around the room. I looked back at him, in awe just how excited he gets for the most simple things.
"Summer told me about this place; I figured it would be a cute first-"
"Date?" Sahim smiled as he looked back at me. I felt my face getting hot once again. He grabbed my waist to bring he closer to him.
"Sahim, this isn't America," I began to say. "We'll get banned if they found us in the room this close." Sahim couldn't help but laugh. "But to answer your question; yes." I walked over towards the big book of karaoke songs on the table next to the microphones. Sahim takes ne of the microphones and stands in front of the TV.
"Alright, Tiny Dancer, pick a song for me to butcher the hell out of," Sahim said, confidently. I laughed, skimming through the pages of the book. I come across Dreams by Fleetwood Mac and suddenly feel my stomach drop to the floor. The thing about music is that because it was so universal, it always has enough weight to carry memories and past versions of yourself. I quickly flipped the page, erasing the memories, ignoring all of my past selves. I take the remote and type in the number of the song I picked. New memories. New selves.
Sahim looked at the blank screen before it came back on with the background of Elton John sitting at a piano at one of his concerts. Sahim laughed out loud, not believing I would chose this song for him to sing.
"Tiny Dancer? Really?" Sahim asked as he laughed.
"Come on, lets go!" I said to Sahim, pointing at the screen as the words started to appear. He begins to poorly sing the song, which makes it even cuter to watch him. He misses a couple of words here and there, trying to catch the beat when he does. I didn't realize that someone can do so poorly at karaoke. The song finally ends and the score appears on the screen: a 70%. Sahim turns around in disbelief as I cover my mouth.
"Not this karaoke grading you like it's an exam," Sahim said as he pointed towards the TV. I couldn't help but finally laugh.
"This one is pretty brutal," I agreed. "They take their karaoke singing seriously." Sahim puts the microphone on the table and sits next to me on the sofa.
"Well," Sahim began to say before snatching the book from my lap. "It's now your turn." He kisses me quickly on the cheek before skimming through the book. I sighed, grabbing a microphone from the table and standing up. Sahim looked up at me for a brief moment before he started to laugh.
"What are you laughing at?" I asked Sahim, crossing my arms along my chest.
"You're standing there as if this is a chore, babe," Sahim said as he flipped through the book. "Let me remind you that this was your idea."
"What else were we supposed to do for a first date as a couple, yet alone in a foreign country? Sit around our hotel room and eat expensive room service all night?" I playfully argued.
"Don't worry, baby," Sahim teased. "We'll eventually get to that type of date." He points the remote at the screen and chose the song I'll be singing to. I turned around and looked at the screen. To my surprise, it's a Kpop song.
"Sahim!" I turned around as he laughed. "I can't sing Korean! This is unfair!" I walked over to Sahim to grab the remote from him. Because of his height, he was able to keep the remote from me in a good arm's distance. I fall over onto him sitting on the couch as the instrumental plays on the TV. I looked at Sahim as he looked at me. I kissed him hard, using my hand to tussle his hair in between my fingertips. He smiled so good today. His smile was so white, the black light in the room made them standing out more every time he smiled. He accepted the kiss, grabbing my waist with his free hand. Kissing Sahim wasn't anything new; we've done so plenty of times in our uncertain phase of this. Kissing Sahim as a couple though... whoa. I nearly forgot how we even got to this place.
I quickly got a hold of the remote in Sahim's hand, and quickly got up once I did. Sahim, laying back on the sofa, looked surprised.
"Got it!" I said, dancing around as I teased Sahim. He sat up, still looking in disbelief.
"A distraction; a classic move," Sahim nodded his head as he said. "You got me there, babe." It was sweet to hear Sahim call me 'babe' or 'baby' as soon as we became a couple. It rolled so naturally off his tongue; it was like he was always suppose to say it to me.
"Thank you, thank you," I take a celebratory bow. I turned around nd chose the song I wanted to sing. "You get to hear how a professional karaoke singer does it." As I turn back toward the TV, I took a deep breath before the words started to appear on the screen. I began to sing the words, softly as the song was meant to be sung slow. I know I don' have the musical ability like my parents did, but it made these types of experiences a lot less stressful. I began to sway side-to-side in place, singing the words as the LED lights spun around the room. Shortly after, I feel Sahim wrap his arms around me, swaying to the beat with me. It made me feel warm inside for the first time in a really long time. In this moment, I feel at ease, as if I'm finally allowing myself to live in the moment.
Of course, it doesn't last long once I hear my cellphone ringing on top of the table nonstop.
I finally turned around with Sahim and see Skylar's name pop up on my screen. Once it stops ringing, I notice just how many times she tried calling me. She called one more time before I finally picked up the phone.
"Sky?" I answered, wondering what was going on. "Whoa, whoa, whoa; you have to slow down; what happened?" I looked at Sahim looking at me, also wondering what the hell was going on. "Okay, okay; I'll come to you, gimme 20 minutes." I hung up the phone and took a deep breath. "Of course something always has to happen..."
"Hey?" Sahim softly said, trying to get me to focus. I looked up at him, feeling defeated and exhausted towards everything that is yet to happen with Sky. "I'll drive you there."
"No; she's my cousin," I began to say as I gathered my belongings. "I don't want you to get involved in the family drama-"
"I'll drive you there," Sahim interrupted and solidified his statement. I didn't want to fight him; if anything, I needed to save my energy for Skylar.
"Okay," I whispered, walking out of the room full of LED lights to face my reality.
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