The Intuitive Mother

By allymatsoso on August 27, 2024

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." - Albert Einstein

As mothers, we must honor our gift of an intuitive mind. There may be "experts" who will try to convince us that our mother's intuition is foolish - trust it anyway. We may worry that our intuition is flawed, but if our feelings are persistent, we should not disregard them.

Intuition is not irrational. It is often quite reasonable even when it is surprising or counter to pervading attitudes. Intuition thinks outside the box - it doesn't bow to modern fads, popular philosophies, or norms. Intuition is quietly confident. Unlike strict rationality, intuition is more holistic and even spiritual. It is not formed from a quantitative assessment of facts, yet it makes connections while looking behind and ahead, in a way that disinterested logic cannot.

"Intuition is perception via the unconscious that brings forth ideas, images, new possibilities and ways out of blocked situations."

— C.G. Jung

Mary Cassatt, Mother playing with child

Philosopher Ian McGilchrist (perhaps the most intelligent man alive today) writes and speaks extensively on intuition, and why we should start trusting it. He says, "Intuition appears to be something that, while inevitably fallible, is often more reliable, much quicker, and capable of taking into account many more factors, than explicit reasoning, including factors of which we may not even be consciously aware."

I learned to trust my intuition in the most difficult stage of my motherhood. My second son was a tough toddler. He cried and whined incessantly. He was a very late talker, destructive, and a loner. I had many frantic experiences when he would slip away while I was in a store. We had to install internal locks on all the doors so he wouldn't escape the house. Naturally, I was worried about my little boy. He wasn't developing as my first two children had, and he was unhappy. I remember my mother, a wise woman whose opinion I value, sat me down and told me that perhaps something was wrong - maybe he was on the spectrum. I have a nephew with autism so we knew the signs and, in truth, he seemed to have some of them, I was not blind to this. However, I told her with extreme confidence, "No, I know he does not have autism. He will grow out of this." There was no doubt in my mind - not because I was avoiding the truth, not because I was naive - but I just knew it, I knew my son.

I remember seeing a doctor for my son's yearly checkup. After describing a few of my son's behaviors, he suggested I get an autistic evaluation and even consider ADHD medication. When I pushed back, I was surprised by the vitriolic response I received about how I was "burying my head in the sand" and not properly caring for my son. It stung, not because I doubted myself, but because my respect for my doctor (now former doctor) took a nosedive. Why did he display this level of disrespect for the perspective of someone with such extensive knowledge about his patient? I have discovered that this disdainful reaction to mothers' intuitive wisdom is a common occurrence in the medical field or even the school system. Some "experts" see any questioning of their labels or prescriptions as an attack on "reality", others are ruled by arrogance. The assumption is that mothers are too emotionally involved, ignorant of the facts, or biased to live within "reason". I, however, was certainly aware that many children have autism, I knew that my son had many of the signs of autism, but I also knew he didn't have it.

My son, 2 - he screamed every time the camera was pointed at him

But how did I know? How did my intuition present itself? In a strange, almost mystic, way, I could envision my future son, and he was not autistic. I could see flashes in his eyes of the man he would be. These are glimpses only a mother is blessed with. Despite my continued worries about my son's development and others' assumptions- I never wavered. I knew that one day he would overcome his challenges. The power of a mother's undoubted intuition can withstand an onslaught.

I sought every tool and opportunity I could to help my son develop. He went to an early childhood program a few days a week, we put him in social activities and my husband and I did A LOT of correction, behavior modification training, and gentle teaching of our son. We never allowed him any social or emotional crutches - such as electronics or isolation from difficult environments. But most of all we loved him as he was.

It was a long trying road, but on my son's 8th birthday, I wept with gratitude as I felt a weight of worry and unending responsibility lift from my shoulders. He was now finding his own way.

My son just had his 12th birthday and those struggles seem like a faraway dream - no one would suspect his earlier challenges. He is a smart, funny, determined, and likable young man.

My son, 11

I don't tell this to boast, and my situation was unique - there surely are children who need a diagnosis and who won't "grow out of it". But I tell this because I am so grateful that in my son's case, I trusted my intuition. I could have given him a label, assumed he couldn't learn, and given him accommodations and maybe even medication - and been supported every step of the way. But that was not what my son needed.

Where has our intuition gone?

We, as mothers, desperately need the gentle guidance of our intuition. Life is complex but when problems arise we have the ability to discern the best path.

"The intellect has little to do on the road to discovery. There comes a leap in consciousness, call it Intuition or what you will, the solution comes to you and you don't know how or why."

— Albert Einstein

Yet often we let our analytical mind block our mother's intuition. Perhaps we have the sudden and unexpected (signs of intuition) insight that we should go give our teenager a hug. He is doing his homework at the table and we think - If I disturb him while he is studying he may never finish, or teen boys hate smothering moms, or did I forget to switch the laundry? We push our intuition aside, and we never know what might have come from that embrace. Maybe he would have felt safe to tell us about a stressful event he had at school, maybe your hug could have repaired a small hole that was forming in the relationship.

No method of decision-making is 100% accurate, but as Einstein said, modern man has downgraded our "divine gift", and allowed the servant to reign. Our world suffers as a result. We now rely on scientific studies (75% of which are not replicable so not a solid basis for decision-making) or the "wisdom" of someone with credentials or enough "followers" to point the way. But our maternal forebearers were not inundated with "expert opinions" or scientific studies or shorts on Instagram - they trusted themselves; they followed their loving instincts; and they succeeded where we now fail. (Mental and physical health are just two areas that have experienced a sharp decline since the reign of "logic and science") It takes a courageous mother to ignore those who doubt her intuitive mind, but courage is what it will take in our cynical and dismissive world.

In honoring intuition we do not refuse to listen to experts, we don't stop reasoning, or updating our understanding - but we allow for an additional pathway to truth.

As we begin to value the role intuition can play in our lives, we will begin to learn to hear and listen to it more readily. We will regain our trust in intuition and honor it as a gift to us as women and mothers.

-Ally

Resources

Quotes on Intuition

"There are, it seems to me, four main pathways to the truth: science, reason, intuition, and imagination. I also believe strongly that any worldview that tries to get by without paying due respect to all four of these is bound to fail. Each on its own has its virtues and its vices, its gifts and its inherent dangers: only by respecting each and all together can we learn to act wisely."

-Ian McGhilchrist