I’ve never believed that anyone truly chooses to struggle. Even when our lives are filled with hardship, I don’t think we knowingly walk into pain just for the sake of it. And even if we do make choices that lead us into the difficult paths, there’s usually a quiet hope in the back of our minds that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. But lately, I’ve started to wonder. Maybe it’s cultural, or maybe it’s the influence of social media, where sharing our pain seems to earn validation and attention. Whatever the reason, it feels like we’ve started glorifying our struggles instead of working to overcome them. And from that glorification comes comparison. We start measuring our pain against one another, as if we have any right to do so. As if we fully understand what someone else is going through. That mindset is completely misguided, if you ask me. It’s one of the reasons why so many people feel uncomfortable opening up about their problems, no matter how small it may seem to be in our eyes. It’s why some, instead of genuinely addressing their issues, end up venting to everyone without really seeking solutions. If there’s one thing I’ve never been able to understand, it’s how society today, uses pain as a form of validation for our behavior. ‘Oh, I’m lashing out at you because I have anxiety, and your words are triggering me.’ ‘What do you know about depression? Why are you even depressed? You have everything you’ve ever wanted!’ ‘No, what you’re feeling isn’t anxiety, you’re just nervous. That’s all. You can’t be anxious, what would you be anxious for? You’ve certainly had it way easier than I did.’ I’m pretty sure we’ve heard variations of these phrases from time to time. I know I did. And it wasn’t pretty. It feels…dehumanizing. Especially if these words were uttered in public, or right around the people we know. It’s sad, but it happens, a lot. Even we can be guilty of it sometimes. We may not realize it, but sometimes, when people are starting to open up to us, we’re already silently judging their actions. When someone shares how they feel about a certain situation that seems minuscule compared to what we went through, our minds often go straight to: “Wait a second, that’s not as bad as what I went through, they certainly had it way easier than I did…”
So how do we fix this?It starts with being more self-aware and practicing sympathy. Look, we’re all very different people. I think we call can agree on that. We’re all shaped by different backgrounds, different environments and definitely went through different life experiences. From the moment we entered the world, we’ve faced many challenges that have molded us into who we are today. And these are personal challenges, I’m talking about. So that “pain scale” we subject others to, both conscious and unconsciously? It’s not universal. It varies from person to person. What we may perceive as ‘small’, may seem ‘big’ to others, and vice versa. Our experiences shape the threshold for our ‘pain’, so it’s important to remember that just because we’ve endured something similar, or perhaps ‘worse’, it doesn’t mean that they’re overreacting. It’s just that everyone is simply built different. And ultimately, in these moments, the best thing we can offer is sympathy. If the problem seems small to us, we should draw from our own experiences and offer guidance, instead of judgement. After all, since we’ve been through those hardships ourselves, we should be equipped with more wisdom to navigate through these situations more than they do. And if the problem is something we’ve never faced, we can simply say, “I’ve never been in that situation, but I sympathize with you,” instead of berating them for getting into that situation in the first place. These days, most people aren’t necessarily looking for solutions. They’re looking for validation. They want reassurance that their struggles are real. They want to feel understood. They want connection. But most of all, they want to be heard without judgment. We’ve all been on the other side. Gathering the courage to share our struggles only to be met with dismissal or comparison. We’ve surely been told that our problems are “nothing” compared to someone else’s, and we definitely know how painful that feels. So when others come to us with their struggles, let’s choose compassion over criticism. Let’s be the person who listen with kindness, offering gentle guidance when needed. Let’s be the one who holds space for others without diminishing what they’re going through, just because we had it worse. Because at the end of the day, it’s not always about fixing the problem. Sometimes, it’s simply about being there for others. Sincerely, Cherie. The Whiffler is free today. But if you enjoyed this post, you can tell The Whiffler that their writing is valuable by pledging a future subscription. You won't be charged unless they enable payments.
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Thursday, 17 July 2025
My Struggles Are Greater Than Yours
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