These days, more and more people are opening about their mental healths, and that’s a good thing. Talking about it helps break the stigma. But there’s also a growing trend that’s a bit concerning: some people are using their mental health struggles to gain attention, collect sympathy or worse, justifying their toxic behaviors. Let’s be real, here. Mental health isn’t some kind of ‘superpower’, or a way to get special treatment. And it definitely shouldn’t be used as a shield to avoid accountability. Just because you’re mentally struggling, it doesn’t give you a free pass to treat others poorly, lash out or dodge responsibility by claiming that their actions had ‘triggered’ you. Yes, triggers are real, but it’s also really important to understand that they’re not excuses for harmful behavior. Triggers are meant to help us recognize what’s going on beneath the surface. They point to deeper issues we might need to work on. They’re there to guide us, just so we could grow, not to justify lashing out or shutting people out without reflection. Lately I’ve been hearing this so many times, and honestly, I, too have been guilty of this from time to time (hey, I never said I was perfect but I’m trying here). We say things like, “Ohmygod! I had to block them on social media, because just seeing their faces triggered me,” only to spend days talking behind their backs. We’d snap at people we care about just because we had a bad day, or that something they’ve said had rubbed us the wrong way. And instead of owning our mistakes, we’d expect them to apologize. Well let me tell you guys this: that’s not healing, that’s avoidance. Moreover, these days, it feels like mental health is being used more and more as a way to gain sympathy, to control others or worse, to feed someone’s ego. Life is hard. There are dark periods when even getting out of bed feels impossible. Many of us have gone through that. The trauma, the heartbreak or situations that have left us completely lost. And in those moments, we may not know how to cope, and that’s normal. That’s okay. But what’s not okay is using that pain as an excuse for toxic behavior. Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you get to treat people poorly (I can’t stress this hard enough). And it definitely doesn’t give anyone the right to manipulate others into doing what they want, all under the guide of their ‘mental health struggles’. Since we talked about ‘triggers’, here’s mine (and rightly so, I might add): when people use their mental health struggles as leverage to manipulate others. I’ve seen it too often, these days, especially. When someone goes through a tough breakup or something traumatic, and suddenly their pain becomes a public performance. They’d rant to friends, family, social media, basically anyone who would listen and pain themselves as the constant victim. Then comes the emotional blackmail (super classic, if you ask me): “If you don’t give me what I need, if you don’t treat me the way I demand, I might hurt myself.” Honey, that’s not struggling. That’s control disguised as vulnerability. You’re not healing if you’re still emotionally blackmailing the very people who showed up for you. The ones who listened, supported you and handed you their sympathy on a silver platter. That’s not growth. That’s manipulation. And no, no matter what they did or how they’ve treated you, you’re not going to heal by guilt-tripping others. You’re not moving forward. You’re just feeding your ego and calling it recovery. At the end of the day, we’re all going through something. Some struggles are visible, others are hidden, but pain is pain. And it deserves to be acknowledged with care. But even when we’re hurting, we still have to remind ourselves that we have a choice: to be kind. To take responsibility for our actions. To treat others with compassion, not as emotional punching bags. They’re taking the time to listen and understand us, so the best we can give them is something that’s also similar. Healing isn’t just about being heard. It’s about learning how to show up for ourselves, and for the people who love us. So yeah, feel free to speak your truth. Ask for help. Feel your feelings. But never, ever, forget to be kind, even in the middle of your mess. That’s where real strength starts. Sincerely, Cherie. The Whiffler is free today. But if you enjoyed this post, you can tell The Whiffler that their writing is valuable by pledging a future subscription. You won't be charged unless they enable payments.
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Tuesday, 16 September 2025
Weaponized Trauma: Making Everything About Me
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