It happens sometimes that I get asked a question and I'm taken aback. I feel the answer, but don't know how to verbalise it. As time passes, I grow, I mature, and along the way I find the answer, or a new answer. So here's a few questions I was asked before, and I would like to answer now.
"Why not Thailand or somewhere far away?"
In between my undergraduate and graduate studies I spent half a year in Latvia, as part of the European Voluntary Service. When I later talked about this experience to others, someone once asked me: "Why did you choose Latvia, such a random place? Why not Thailand or somewhere more exotic, somewhere farther away?" While at heart I knew I made the right decision at the time, I felt I could not explain myself. Yes, I knew about many young people who decide to take a year off, travel to the Far East or Central America and explore their true self in a spiritual journey. So why did I stay relatively close to where I come from? Why did I go to just Latvia?
Here's the answer.
While I was finishing my undergraduate degree in Hungary, a friend who was studying in the UK at the time planted the seed of an idea in my mind. He suggested that I applied to Oxbridge for my postgraduate studies. I would have never came up with this idea myself: the UK, and universities like Cambridge felt so far away, so unreachable. I kept thinking and I said why not? So I applied, and to my surprise I eventually got an offer. However, by the end of this application process I couldn't get a scholarship to also pay for the studies. I was stuck. I had the most amazing offer I would have ever wished for myself, but there was no way I could pay for it. So as the new academic year started, I decided to defer the offer, gather some life experience throughout the year, and apply for scholarships and funding again – so the next year I could eventually move to Cambridge and study there.
Now that I deferred my studies, I had to come up with a plan that allowed me to pay for my living costs throughout the year, be able to save money for the future in the UK, and still have time to write all the long scholarship applications. This is when I came across the European Voluntary Service. I was going to cover my basic living costs, I would live abroad, have some pocket money that I could save, gather some experience in volunteering and social service, and I would still have the time I needed for my applications. I applied to a project in Latvia as part of this programme - and this is how I ended up in Latvia and not somewhere else.
I didn't choose Thailand or somewhere exotic because first, paying for a flight ticket to these far away destinations from Hungary was an impossible luxury for me at this point. Second, I had longer-term plans and if I wanted to achieve them, I needed to save as much as I could.
I wanted to write about this because we have a tendency to judge one another's decisions based on our own experience and what is reasonable and affordable from our own perspective. Personal finance, how much we can afford at a certain timepoint in life differs wildly. I like to bare this in mind when I listen to the decisions other people make around me.
"I was not supported, so why would I support you?"
During the year that I spent in Latvia one of the ways in which I was securing funding for my studies was crowdfunding. Crowdfunding means setting up a profile and a project on a dedicated crowdsourcing platform, and then looking for generous investors. In my quest of finding these investors, I spoke with various interesting professionals from across countries and sectors. Many were not in the position to donate, many were not interested, and there were a few generous investors who then made my campaign successful. However, there was a conversation, and a question that stayed with me. I spoke with someone who also came from Hungary and who built a successful career in his field. When I reached out to him, his question to me was: "I was never supported in my career. So why would I support you?" Once the conversation ended, he indeed decided not to donate for the very reason that he had never had such support himself.
Years have passed and I am in a more stable position in my life right now. I have finished my studies, completed my PhD, I know the direction I would like to take in my personal and professional life. At times people younger than me ask for advice or support. I do not directly benefit from supporting others, nor do I get anything in return. However, the mere fact of removing the barriers that I had in my life from blocking the progress of others is in itself rewarding. This is the feeling that brought the members of our VOICES project together: we are all people who would like to help early career women, removing the barriers we had to face. Thinking back, if I was to have the conversation with the same person once again, and he asked me why he would support me, in fact I wouldn't answer the question.
I would want to sit down next to him, put my hands on his shoulders, and say that I'm sorry that he didn't have a support network. That I resonate with him, it's sad that his ideas and his wishes for the future were not cheered for. And that I am, despite not knowing him much, happy for his success that he, despite the lack of resources, managed to achieve. I am supporting him now.
"Why can't others do the same?"
After the year I spent in Latvia, I did eventually manage to save enough money and gain enough scholarships so I could take the offer and move to Cambridge. The year I did my masters there I learnt about a conference called One Young World, and I was successful in getting a scholarship to attend their annual summit in Bogota. It was an eye-opening experience: my first time outside of Europe, my first time meeting over 1500 young people from around the world, all wishing to work on social impact and a better world. I was the only Hungarian who attended this conference. So the next year I wanted to allow for others to join as well. I went on a mission to find sponsorship for a few other Hungarians to attend too. I was not successful in this quest, in the end I didn't manage to secure enough funding for this to happen. However, along the way, something interesting happened that triggered me. At the time I wrote about it in this blog post. I was on a call with a lady in a high position who I thought could help me in securing funding through her company. I told her my story about going to the UK, deferring my studies, securing funding the hard way. I said I wanted to have more scholarships for Hungarians. In turn she asked me: "If you succeeded in your way, why can't others do the same?"
I was taken aback, I couldn't answer well, I didn't secure the funding. Years have passed and I keep thinking about this. If I was to answer now, this is what I would say.
- Yes, others can indeed do the same as I did, in principle. However, for me growth and progress mean that we remove difficulty and struggle from the life of the coming generations. Throughout my studies I used to feel I was always behind: I spent years to find my way to attend a school where I got admitted to. Once I was in Cambridge, I learnt about opportunities just like One Young World that I would not have heard about otherwise. Once I attended One Young World I met people who were ahead of me in knowing about societal issues, and in their quest to resolve them. Giving a scholarship to another Hungarian could have meant opening a world of opportunities. It could have meant saving years of work for someone. Others can do the same – but they don't need to when there are more resources available.
- Yes, others can indeed do the same in principle. However, our personalities and risk-taking behaviour differ. There are people who are more conservative in whether and when they make risky decisions. It doesn't make them any less of a talent. Offering a scholarship equalises the chances for people with different personalities and skillsets to gain experience.
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