ITS ALSO INSANE HOW HIGH AND GOOD THOUGHTS SOM PERSONS CAN HAVE ABOUT ABOUT THEMSELVES AS WELL AS HOW LOW THOUGHT THEY CAN HAVE ABOUT OTHERS THAT ARE MUCH BETTER THAN THEMSELVES. NARCISSISTS ARE NOT ONLY PRESENTING A GLOSSY IMAGE AND A PERFECT FASSADE OUTSIDE ESPECIALLY THEN TO PEOPLE THEY VALUE AS SOMEONE GOOD ENOUGH THAT HOPFULLY ALSO CAN CONTRIBUTE TO RAISE THEIR ON STATUS KIND OF ENCRISING THEIR OWN VALUE, AND HOW SICK PEOPLE CAN BE IN THEIR CONCERN ABOUT WHAT OTHERS MIGHT THINK, TO THE LIMIT WHERE THEY EVEN ORDER THEIR RELATIVES TO WRITE "DEEPLY LOVED AND MISSED" LEAVING BEHIND A MAN THEY MARRIED EVEN IF THAT MAN IN REALITY WAS CONCIDERED BELOW THEIR LEVEL, A MAN THEY HAD A MAINLY SEXUAL RELATION TO WHILE THEIR PLAN AND UNREASONABLE IDEAS AND DREAMS WAS TO BECOME A NURSE AND MARRY A DOCTOR- BUT WHERE THE SELFDECLAIRED SNOW WHITE VIRTUE WAS HORNY AND STUPID ENOUGH TO HAVE SEX WITHOUT USING CONCEPTIONS EVEN IF SHE WAS 24 YEAR OLD- THEN WRITING THE MOST UNROMANTIC PROPOSER THAT HAS EVER BEEN INFORMING MY DAD WHO PRESUMABLE WAS THE FATHER THOUGH ITS NOT CERTAIN CAUSE THERE MIGHT HAVE BEEN ANOTHER MAN UP THERE ON THE ATTIC TEMPTED BY THE MOUNING AND HUMPING UP THERE THAT MADE IT PERFECTLY CLEAR TO THE DOCTOR SHE RENTED A ROOM AT THAT THE GIRL HE HAD IN THE HOUSE SURELY WAS NOT SUCH A DECANT VIRTUES CHRISTIAN GIRL AS SHE HAD PRESENTED HERSELF TO BE BUT RATHER A SIMPLE FARMER-SLAG, AND ALSO SO STUPID,VULGAR AND UNREFAINED NEVER EVER GIVING THE MAN SHE CAME TO MARRY OR HER CHILDREN ANY TENDER CARESS, SEXUALLY ACTING MORE LIKE AN ANIMAL RUNNING OFF TO THE YOUNG FISHERMAN THAT WORKED FOR HER FATHER SHE DESIRED EVEN IF THE FATHER SHE CLAIMED TO BE THE PERFECT OBEDIANT DAUGHTER OF HAD WARNED HER NOT TO GO OUT THERE AS PARTS OF MY FATHERS FAMILY HAD A BAD REPUTATION FOR DRUNKENESS, FIGHTS AND QUARRELS EVEN IF THE IMAGE IN REALITY WAS A LOT MORE NUANCED AND INDIVIDUALLY DIVERS ACTING IN TOTALLY CONTRADICTION TO THE SELF IMAGE SHE PRESENTED AS A VERY DECENT CHRISTIAN WOMAN OUT OF HIGHER MORAL STANDARDS WHEN SHE WITH HER NOSETIP HIGHT IN THE AIR RAN OUT THERE WITH TOTALLY DISRESPECTFULL WRONG IDEAS ABOUT THE WOMEN IN MY FATHERS FAMILY AND THAT FAMILY ALL IN ALL BEING WAY BELOW HER STANDARDS EVEN IF SHE ACTED LIKE A TOMCAT IN THE MATCHING SEASON JUST CRAWLING IN TO MY FATHERS TENT LITTERALY THROWING HERSELF OVER HIM, AND OF COURSE A YOUNG HORNY FISHERMAN AT THE SAME LOW CULTURAL LEVEL AS HER WOULD NOT SAY NO TO SEX WITH A YOUNG HORNY WOMAN WITH BIG BOOBES THAT LOOKED QUITE GOOD, THEN MOUNING SO LOAD NOBODY IN MY FATHERS FAMILY AROUND THERE WAS IN DOUBT ABOUT WHAT WAS GOING ON IN THAT TENT- AND STILL MY MOTHER MISLABELED BOTH MY FATHERS MOTHER AND MY FATHERS SISTER AS FALLEN WOMEN AND WHORES EVEN IF ID SAY THEY BOTH WHERE BETTER, HAD SOFTER HEARTS AND MORE SIVILIZED MANNERS THAN HER- OK SHO SHIT HAPPENED SOMETHING SHE SOLITARELY BLAMED ON MY FATHER AS IF HE HAD RAPED HER AND SHE WAS AN INNOCENT VIRGIN LAMB- SHE GOT PREGNANT AFTER A VISIT FROM MY FATHER ONCE AGAIN GIVING HER THE JUICY SEXUAL EXPERIENCE SHE WANTED JUST AS MUCH AS HIM, EVEN IF IT WAS LUST NOT LOVE IT WAS ABOUT WHERE NON OF THEM WAS THINKING OF THE OTHER AS THE ONE THEY WANTED TO MARRY AS THEIR SPOUSE FOR LIFE- THIS WAS JUST SOME TEMPORARY FUN, WHERE HER DREAM THEN WAS TO BECOME A NURSE INCLUDING THE UNREALISITIC IDEA THAT A DOCTOR THEN FOR SURE BEING A MORE CULTIVATED MAN FROM A HIGHER CLASS WOULD FALL FOR AND MARRY A SIMPLE FARMER GIRL FROM THE LOWER COMMON WORKING CLASS THAT ESPECIALLY GIVEN HER PRIMITIVE RAW UNSOFISTICATED ALMOST BRUTAL ANIMALISTIC SEXUAL BEHAVIOR AND HER VERY EFFECTIVE, SORT OF HARD WAYS PUTTING THING STRAIGHT FORWARD VERBALLY WITH A TOTAL LACK OF DISCRETION, SENSITIVITY AND CONCERN FOR THE WAY HER WORDS AND OUTSPOKENNESS HIT AND HURT THE EMOTIONS, SORE SPOTS OF OTHERS AND HOW BAD SHE WOULD HAVE SUITED IN AMONG MORE CULTIVATED EDUCATED PEOPLE IN HIGHER CLASSES WITH MORE CULTIVATED SIVILIZED MANNERS WAY ABOVE HER OWN CULTUAL LEVEL. SURELY ONE OR TWO DOCTORS SHE MIGHT TROW HERSELF AT MIGHT HAVE SHAGGED HER EVEN IF MORE CULTIVATED SIVILICED TENDER MENN RATHER WOULD HAVE BEEN REPULSED THAN TURNED ON BY SUCH VULGAR SEXUAL BEHAVIOR. SHE SEAMED TO HAVE SOM SORT OF DOCTOR FETISH, SO IF SHE HAD MANAGED TO BECOME A NURSE SHE MIGH HAVE ENDED UP BEING CONCIDERED THE MOST SLUTTY NURSE THAT EVEN THE JANITOR AT THE INSTITUTIONS OR HOSPITAL SHE ENDED UP WORKING AT HAD THE CHANCE TO A QUICK NUMBER IN THE CLOSEST BROOM CLOSET IF ONLY HE BORROWED A DOCTORS GOVN AND PUT A STETOSCOPE AROUND HER NECK IF SHE HAD EVEN BEEN SMART AND CLEVER ENOUGH TO MANAGE TO BECOME A NURSE AND HAD THE NERVES AND CAPACITY SUCH A STUDY AND JOB TOOK EVEN IN THOSE DAYS WHEN IT TOOK MUCH LESS AND WAS NOT CLOSE TO THE ACADEMICAL LEVEL THE EDUCATION TO BECOME A NURSE IS AT TODAY- NO MATTER HOW MANY DOCTORS SHE HAD THROWN HERSELF AT THAT MIGHT HAVE SHAGGED HER SHE WOULD NEVER EVER HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO ANY OF THEM. NOT ONLY BECAUSE HOW SHE WAS AT INDIVIDUAL LEVEL BUT ALSO BECAUSE ESPECIALLY IN THOSE DAYS MEN FROM UPPER CLASS FAMILIES WHO MAINLY EVERY DOCTOR BELONGED TO WOULD REARLY IF EVEN MARRY SOMEONE FROM THE LOWER CLASSES, INDEPENDENT ON IF THEY WHERE GOOD OR BAD PEOPLE. STILL TODAY MOST PEOPLE MARRY WITHIN THEIR OWN SOSIOECONOMIC GROUP AND CLASS, EVEN IF THE OPORTUNITY EVERY NORWEGIAN MAN AND WOMAN HAVE TODAY IF THEY HAVE WHAT IT TAKES, GOOD ENOUGHT GRADES AND MAKES THE EFFORDS IT TAKES AND HAS ENOUGH BACKUP, FAMILYSUPPORT AND NOT TOO HEAVY PSYCHOSOCIAL LUGGAGE AND PROBLEMS TODAY WITH OUT PROBLEMS CAN RAISE ABOVE THEIR PARENTAL CLASS EVEN IF CHILDREN WHO HAVE PARENTS WITH ACADEMICAL EDUCATION IN GENERAL ARE MORE LIKELY TO SUCCED AND TAKE HIGHER EDUCATION THAN CHILDREN OF PARENTS WITH LOW EDUCATION LEVEL INDEPENDENT ON THE INTELLIGENCE LEVEL AND TALENTS OF THEIR CHILDREN. ACTUALLY IF ONLY ONE OF YOUR OLDER SIBLINGS COMES TROUGH AN ACADEMICAL STUDY THEIR YOUNGER SIBLINGS ARE MORE LIKELY TO FOLLOW AND GET AN ACADEMIAL CARREER MEASSURED BY CLEAR STATISTIC SIGNIFICANS. ITS A LIE THOUG THAT EVERYONE HAVE THE SAME CHANCES BASED ON THEIR OWN TALENTS AND INTELLIGENCE LEVEL- BECAUSE IF YOU HAVE A POOR FAMILI BACKROUND ARE NEGLECTED ABUSED AND STAND WITHOUT FAMILYSUPPORT AND PARENTS THAT NEITHER HAVE ENOUGH EDUCATION KNOWLEDGE AND RESCOURSES TO EVEN HELP YOU WITH THE SCOOL WORK WHERE PENSUM IS ABOVE SOME PARENTS LEVEL EVEN AT THE LOWER LEVELS ON THE BASIC PUBLIC CHILDREN SCOOL EVERY NORWEGIAN CHILD GOES TROUG, WHERE I PASSED THE LEVEL OF MY FATHER AT THE AGE OF 8 AND THEN FROM THE AGE OF 9 WHEN WE FOR INSTANCE STARTED LEARNING ENGLISH AND ALGEBRA IN MATH I PASSED THE LEVEL OF BOTH MY PARENTS EDUCATIONAL LEVEL AND KNOWLEDGE AS THIS WHAS THINGS THEY NEVER LEARNED DURING THE SEVEN YEARS OF REALLY SIMPLE BASIC LEVEL WHERE ALL THE PUPILS GOT TO LEARN WAS SIMPEL READING AND WRITING IN THEIR OWN NORWEGIAN LANGUAGE, ABSOLUTE SIMPLE BASIC MATHEMATICS NEVER LEARNING ANYTHING ABOUT ALGEBRA, GEOMETRY OR ANYTHING ADVANCED AT ALL, NOT ANY FOREIGN LANGUAGE, MAYBE A TINY BIT HISTORY, GEOGRAPHY AT BEST SHOWING THEM AN ATLAS OR SUCH A WONDER AS A GLOBUS, BUT SURELY TEACHING THEM ABOUT THE STORIES OF THE BIBLE AND EXAMINING THEM ALL TROUGH LUTHERAN CONFIRMATION DURING THEIR LAST YEAR ON THAT DAYS PRIMARY PUBLIC SCOOL WHERE ALSO SINGING WAS A PART OF THEIR "EDUCATION"- AT LEAST GIVING THEM A MINIMUM OF CULTURAL CAPITAL BUT STILL SO LITTLE ON SUCH A LOW LEVEL ITS REDICULOUS, MY PARENTS NOT EVEN AKNOWLEDGING THEIR OWN LACK OF KNOWLEDGE AND INTELLECTUAL CULTURAL CAPITAL NOT REALLY HAVING A CLUE THAT THE REASON THEIR DAUGHTER WENT TO HIGHSCOOL WAS BECAUSE I SHOWED SO HIGH LEVEL OF INTELLEGIENCE AND TALENTS AND MADE IT SO WELL AT SCOOL EVEN WITHOUT ANY FAMILYSUPPORT AT ALL, NOT EVEN GIVING ME ANY KIND OF CREDIT THAT SHOWED THEY EVEN CARED ABOUT MY SCOOL RESULTS AND CARREER AT ALL, NOT EVEN KNOWING THAT HIGH SCOOL IS NOT A PROFESSIONAL EDUCATION, THAT I WOULD NOT BE DONE WITH EDUCATION AFTER HIGHSCOOL, AND THAT THE REASON MY TEACHERS TOLD ME TO GO TO HIGHSCOOL WAS BECAUSE THEY AND NOT MY FAMILY SAW HOW SMART AND CLEVER I WAS AND MEANT THAT SUCH A BRAIN AS MINE WAS MEANT TO MAKE A GOOD ACADEMICAL CAREER. I DONT EVEN THINK MY PARENTS WAS AWARE THAT I WAS HEADING FOR UNIVERSITY- AND THESE LOUSY PARENT, MY MOTHERS NEGLECT AND NEGATIVE HOSTILE ATTITUDES TOWARDS ME, EVERYTHING I SUFFERED BECAUSE OF MY MOTHER AND BY THE MISDEEDS OF MY BROTHER THAT WAS TOTALLY BLINDLY LOVED AND IDEALISED, EXUSED NO MATHER HOW BAD THE THINGS HE DID WAS, ALLWAYS FAVORISED, ALLWAYS GIVEN MORE AND SET THE HIGHEST STANDARDS FOR WHILE MY MOTHER TREATED ME TOTALLY OPPOSITE PUTTING ME IN THE POSITION OF CINDARELLA WHERE "MY GOOD MOTHER" IN THE REALITY TREATED HER DAUGHTER LIKE AN EVIL STEPMOTHER, AND THIS BECAUSE OF SUCH A SICK THING AS JEALOUSY TOWARDS HER OWN CHILD, SHE LOVED HER TWO SONS, BUT WHEN SHE GOT A LITTLE DOUGHTER SHE REACTED IN A PATHOLOGICAL WAY SEING A COMPETHATOR AND RIVAL IN HER LITTLE GIRL SOMETIMES MAKING INSANE JEALOUSY SCENES AS IF SHE SAW A GROWN WOMAN OUT TO STEAL AND SEDUCE HER HUSBAND IN AN INNOCENT 3-4 YEARS OLD GIRL WHO AT THAT TIME HAD NO IDEA WHY MOTHER DID NOT LIKE ME, LOVE ME AND WANT ME LIKE MY BROTHERS NEVER GIVING ANY OTHER SIGNALS THAN THAT MY PLACE WAS WAY BELOW MY BROTHERS MAINLY BLAMING ME, ACCUSING ME, CRITICISING AND GIVIN ME NEGATIVE CHARACH TOTALLY OUT OF LINE WITH REALITY BRAKING ME DOWN, DESTROYING MY SELFIMIGAGE DESTURBING ME SO I COULD NOT DEVELOPE IN A NATURAL WAY TO BE THE SWEET SENITIVE KIND LITTLE GIRL I REALLY WAS, AND BECAUSE MY MOTHER SET ME SO LOW AS IF I WAS NOT HER CHILD ALONG WITH MY BROTHERS INCLUDED IN HER LOVING MOTHERHEART FOR THEM TOTALLY NEGLECTING ABANDING AND RATHER BEING HOSTILE, UNFRIENDLY AND ABUSIVE TO HER DAUGHTER THAT WAS TERRIFIED NOT FEELING SAFE AND SHELTERED BY ANY MEANS IN THE HOUSE I GREW UP, NEVER COMFORTING, NEVER BEING GENTLE, NEVER EVEN SEEING ME AND MY NEEDS, CONFIRMING ME, APPROVING OF ME, CHARISSING ME FOR THE ONE I REALLY WAS AND I JUST DID NOT UNDERSTAND THE REASON WHY MUMMY WAS SO MEAN TO ME, JUDGING ME FOR THINGS I NEVER DID WRONG, PUNISHING ME EVEN WHEN I WAS ABUSED AND VICTIMIZED BY MY BROTHER AND OTHER CHILDREN TRAUMATISING ME EVEN MORE THAN THESE THINGS THAT WAS TRAUMATISING LEAVING ME SLEEPLESS OUT ANXIETY MY EXEMA BLUSHING UP BECAUSE OF THE STRESS I WAS UNDER, AND I WAS EVEN AFRAID TO FALL TO SLEEP BECAUSE THEN THE NIGHTMARES ABOUT THESE TRAUMATISING EXPERIENCES STARTET- I WAS IN DISTRESS, I SUFFERED AND WAS NOT TAKEN CARE OF IN MY PACK AT ALL, I DID NOT THRIVE, I DID NOT WANT TO BE THERE BUT I HAD NO CHOISE, SO I LEARNED TO SHELTER MY SORE SENSITIVE FEELINGS, MY SORROW, MY ANXIETY, MY TEARS AND FEARS BEHIND A TOUGH FASSADE, AND NOBODY REALLY NEW HOW MISTREATED I WAS MY MOTHER SHOWING OUT A SPARKLING FASSADE SO OTHERS THOUGHT WELL ABOUT HER AND NOBODY HAD ANY IDEA OF HOW MY MOTHER TREATED ME AND HOW HER TO BELOVED SONS MISTREATED ME BECAUSE IT WAS REALLY LEGITIMIZED BY MY MOTHER WHO HAD LABELED ME LESS VALUBLE, AND PUT ME IN THE CINDERELLA POSITON WHERE MY BROTHERS COULD DO ANYTHING TO ME UNPUNISHED AND UNCORRECTED THEY ACTUALLY LEARNED BY THEIR MOTHER THAT THEY DID NOT HAVE TO CARE, SHOW ANY CONCERNS BUT RATHER COULD DO WHATEVER THEY LIKED WITH ME NO MATTER HOW CRUEL ABNORMAL AND EVIL ONE OF THEM SEXUALLY ASSOULTING HIS SISTER AND MAKING ME AVAILABAL TO BE SEXUALLY ABUSED BY HIS OLDER PEDOPHILE FRIEND WHOSE FAMILY HAD A COTTAGE CLOSE TO US, MY BROTHER LATER MAKING AN ATTEMPT TO RAPE HIS SISTER, THEN EVEN BRAGING ABOUT IT TO OTHER COTTAGE FRIEND WHO THEN WENT ON THE VICTIM BULLYING ME, WHILE MY OLDEST BROTHER EVEN IF HE WAS A MUCH BETTER KIND THAN MY YOUNGEST BROTHER ALSO TAKING OUT HIS HIDDEN SADISTIC PLEASURES ON ME THAT UNLIKE MY BROTHER WHO HAD THE LEAST TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IN HIS MOTHERS HOUSE TRIGGERED HIS SADISTIC SIDES BECAUSE I SUFFERED, HAD PROBLEMS AND WAS PUT IN SUCH AN UNDERDOG POSITION BY OUR MOTHER. MY YOUNGEST BROTHER WAS VERY PLEASED WITH THE SITUATION WHERE I WAS NOT ONLY VICTIMIZED BY HIM BUT ALSO SERVED AS THE SCAPEGOAT AS MY MOTHER WOULD ALWAYS BLAME ME AND ALWAYS DEFEND AND EXUSE MY BROTHER SEEING HIM AND TELLING HIM HE WAS THE SWEETEST MOST INNOCENT PERFECT CHILD EVER- SO HE GOT A NARCISSISTIC IDEA ABOUT BEING BETTER AND MORE VALUABLE, NOT EVEN LEARNING RIGHT FROM WRONG, AS HE COULD DO WHATEVER HE WANTED CROSS ANY LINE AND BREAK ANY RUEL ACTING AS PATHOLOGICAL AND ABNORMAL TOWARDS ME AS HE FELT LIKE AND ALL I ALL WITHOUT MY MOTHER EVER DRAWING ANY LINES AND BOUANDARIES, NEVER CORRECTING HIM, NEVER GIVING HIM A LESSON OR ANY KIND OF PUNISHMENT OR VERBAL REPRIMAND OR CRIZISM AT ALL AND ALSO STEADILY GIVING HIM ANYTHING HE ASKED FOR SO HE COULD NOT TAKE IT WHEN HIS FATHER CAME HOME AND SOMETIMES SPOKE AGAINST HIM, SET SOM BOUNDARIES. SAID NO TO SOME OF MY BROTHERS CRAVINGS AND UNREASONABLE EXPECTANCES, CAUSE HE HAD ABSOLUTELY NO RESPECT FOR HIS FATHERS AUTHORATY BECAUSE MY MOTHER WAS THE BOSS IN OUR FAMILY AND SHE ALLWAYS LET MY BROTHER HAVE HIS WILL, NEVER GAVE HIM ANY RESTIANCE, NEVER SET ANY LIMITS JUST SPOILDED HIM BEYOND REASON WITH TOTALL UNLIMITED FREEDOM NEVER EVER SAYING ONE BAD OR HARD WORD TO MY BROTHER NO MATTER HOW BAD WRONG OUT OF NORMAL AND UNREASONABLE BEYEOND LIMITS MY BROTERS BEHAVIOR CRAVINGS DEMANDS AND EXPECTANCES WAS HE JUST HAD TO PUT UP A SMILE, PLAY CHARMING, TELL A FUNNY JOKE AND SHOW OUT A PRITTY FACE AND A FALSE SMILE AND THEN HE WOULD GET AWAY WITH ANYTHIN PEOPLE THINKING MUCH BETTER OF HIM AS THEY ALSO DID WITH MY MOTHER WHO MADE HIM THAT WAY, IN REALITY HER MOST ABNORMAL PATHOLOGICAL CHILD ITS JUST THAT HIS KIND OF PATHOLOGY HE DOES NOT SUFFER BY, HE SURFES TROUGH LIFE PLAYING DOUBLE SHOWING OUT A SPLENDID FASSADE, BEING TOTALLY SELFISH, NARCISSTIC WITH AN IDEA THAT HE CAN BRAKE WHAT EVER RULES, LAWS AND NORMS HE LIKES, USE OTHERS NEVER LOVING ANYONE MORE THAN HIMSELF AND ALWAYS SEEING TO HIS OWN BEST INTEREST, STICKING TO THE ONES THAT AT ANY TIME CONTRIBUTES THE MOST FOR HIS STATUS, HIS PRIVILIGES, EARNINGS AND MATERIAL GOODS LEAVING AND DONT CARING AT ALL AT THE MOMENT SOMEONE GETS IN TROUBLE AND NO LONGER BRINGS ANY STATUS, PRIVILEGIES, EXITEMENT AND AMUSEMENT OF THE MOMENT- IF ITS NOT FUN, LUCERATIV, EXCITING AND DONT BRING HIM ANY STATUS EARNINGS PRIVILEGIES POPULARITY APPROVAL AND APPLAUS SO TO SAY THOSE PEOPLE DONT MEAN A THING TO HIM ANYMORE UNLESS HE CAN USE THEM FOR HIS OWN NEEDS AND BENEFITS OF THE MOMENT- CAUSE THERE IS NO EMOTIONAL DEPHT STABILITY AND FAITHFULLNESS IN HIM- HE IS NOT A NORMALLY EQIUPPED SOUL BUT THEN AGAIN PEOPLE ARE SO EASY TO FOOL BY THE MASK AND SHOW SUCH PEOPLE PUT UP WHO DO NOT HAVE A CLUE AMY BRTERISTIC AND ABOUT WHAT THEY HAVE REALLY DONE BEEN UP TO AND WHAT THEY HIDE BEHIND THE CHARMING FASADE AND WHAT IS WRONG ON THE INSIDE OF THAT PERSON THAT SEEMS TO BE SO SANE NORMAL HEALTHY SIVILICED CHARMING AND FUNNY NOT KNOWING WHATS BEHIND THAT MASK AND ALL THE BAD THINGS AND DEEDS THAT HUMAN COVERS BEHIND THE NICE POLITE CHARMING FASSADE.
THIS IS A NOTE, A SCHETCH A PART OF A UNWRITTEN MANUS, MY STORY THE TRUTH PEOPLE DONT KNOW ABOUT, HOW THINGS AND PERSONS IN MY FAMILY REALLY WAS LIKE AND ARE, IF PEOPLE ONLY NEW THE TRUTH ABOUT WAT WAS BEHIND THAT "PERFECT FASSADE" AND ON THE INSIDE OF THE ONES THEY THINK TOO WELL ABOUT BECAUSE THE ONLY KNEW THE "NICE FACCADES AND BEATYFIDE, FALSE SELFPRESENTATION THAT WAS ALL ABOUT SHOWING OFF - NOBODY MUST KNOW THE TRUTH, NOBODY MUST EVER THINK THAT THERE WAS ANYTHING WRONG OR BAD ABOUT ME OR ANYTHING ABNORMAL AT ALL - JUST PUT UP A SHOW, LET THE SHOW GO ON- LET THE BEAUTIFUL LIES STAY WHAT PEOPLE THINK IS TRUE. THEY ARE MISLEAD- BECAUSE THE NARCISSIST WANTED IT THAT WAY- TO LOOK BETTER IN THE EYES OF OTHERS THAN THERE IS HOLD OF IN REALITY. AND I SAY- WHO REALLY CARES. WHEN PEOPLE DIE ALSO THEY SCHOULD UNDERSTAND THAT THEN IT DOES NOT MEAN A DAMN SHIT WHAT THE LIVING THINK OF THEM AND HOW MANY LIES THERE IS WRITTEN ON THEIR GRAVESTONE OUT OF THE DEAD ONES CONCERN ABOUT WHAT OTHER THINK ABOUT THEM- THERE WAS LITTLE LOVE IN MY MARRIGE, BUT I WANT YOU TO PUT ON MY GRAVESTONE THAT I WAS HIGHLY LOVED AND IS DEEPLY MISSED, WILE IN REALITY I AM REALLY HAPPY TO BE DONE WITH MY MOTHER ESPECIALL EVEN IF I DID NOT HAVE A GOOD NORMAL FATHER EITHER, I HAVENT MISSED THEM A DAY- AND I AM ALSO SO DONE WITH MY BROTHER- HE IS REALLY ALSO NOT THE GLOSSY IMAGE MANY PEOPLE SEE- THEY JUST DONT KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT HIM, HIS LIFE AND WHAT HE HAS DONE AND IS LIKE AND NOT AS ME- THEY HAVE ONLY SEEN THE PRITTY SIDE OF IT. CAUSE THATS ALL THEY WANT PEOPLE TO SEE-IF PEOPLE KNEW EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM AND HOW THEY REALLY ARE, WHAT THEY HAVE DONE AND HOW THEY HAVE BEHAVED I AM SURE MANY WOULD BE REALLY SHOCKED AND SUPRISED. SOME WOULD HAVE A HARDT TIME TO REALIZE AND SWALLOW THE TRUTH- CAUSE IT SURELY NOTHING BUT PLEASANT, NORMAL, BEAUTIFUL, IDYLLIC, PERFECT, GOOD AND EVERYTHING OK. IN SOME CASES ITS LIKE NOBODY MUST EVER THINK THAT I AM AS BAD AND ABNORMAL AND HIDE SOM MANY UGLY SPOTS, DARK SINS, FAULTS MISTAKES, IMPERFECTIONS AND MISDEEDS AND YOU NAME IT- BECAUSE THEN OF COURSE THEY WOULD NOT HAVE HIGH THOUGHTS OF ME AT ALL ANYMORE. WELL IN THE END NOBODY CAN ESCAPE THE TRUTH ABOUT THEMSELVES AND THEIR HIDDEN SIDE OF LIFE AND INNER PATHOLOGY- IN THE END THEY ARE FOOLING AND LYING EVEN MORE TO THEMSELVES THAN TO OTHERS- BUT THE TRUTH WILL STILL STRIKE THEM IN THE END, AND THEY WILL GET WHAT THEY DESERVE AND BE JUDGED BY REALITY NOT BY BEAUTIFUL LIES AND IDEALISED SELF IMIGASES AND IDEAS ABOUT BEING SAINTS- AND BY THEN ITS TO LATE. AND THEY ARE TO BLAME.
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