Taster of what's to come from Alice .......from Wonderland.....new writing.....
Each card rises up on its own trajectory. Together at their separate speeds they form a rag taggle arc of a life. My life. The Jokers catch in my hair and stay there, wobbling and mocking me. One in each ear, The black Kings hit the hardest. The King of Diamonds cuts my cheek and the King of Hearts.....well he is simply too lazy to get back up. He just lies there waiting for that cantankerous Red Queen who returns again and again. But she's not the strongest in the pack - NO - that's the Queen of Spades with her dark magic hidden like an eclipse behind that paper King of Spades. The Queen of Spades has a sharp tongue, a quick wit that whispers to my inner critic. I can't help listening....I'm no card. I'm Alice, shielding myself from that flurry of card life.
One question - who's dealing?
Diamonds may well be my best friend but I'm intrigued by the spades, digging for truth and getting dirt in my eyes. Hearts are for princesses and day dream believers with ruby slippers. Far better to stay down here on the ground, digging for truth rather than carry false hope past 40. Anyone with any mind would feel the same unless they've made themselves their own gods.
The cards beat against my arms again and again; childish arms raised against things they don't understand. The marks they leave stay my whole life like footprints from the chase. Blue black memories of what might have been if I had been someone else. Someone better.
The rabbit hole fascinates us in Wonderland but it's the cards rising up at the end of the story on Alice's return to normal that tell us more about our lives. In the rabbit hole we can numb, overhearing the footsteps of the world whilst we play down there. Dark fun maybe but any fun is better than none. The rabbit hole is one big dark Panic Room decorated so we don't panic. Gin soaked. Coke kissed. Double decker thoughts and shrinking memories.
But it's the cards - hitting us every time we wake up - that show us the future of our recovery. Once the beating has stopped we must pick them up one by one and read them. At our time of life that's a lot of wonderland where we are now very much awake. Let's walk forward with that pack in our hands and no fear of who we really are - Joker, Queen, King, Ace.
Alice is writing .......................
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