Gret Stet Governor Jeff Landry is a wingnut in a hurry. He won a narrow primary victory in a low turnout election and acts as if he's Reagan in 1980. From my perspective, the only mandate The Clownfish has is to troll the libs; the one thing he's good at.
The Clownfish's latest escapade is an attempt to change the public records laws. He wants to restrict access so nobody will know how the governmental sausage is made. It's a bad idea made worse by this bizarre restaurant analogy:
In the interview, he compared the right to public records with going to a restaurant when asked if taxpayers have that right.
"Well I mean listen, that's a great question. Do they? They elect us with full confidence that we're going to go out there and solve those problems. When we make that decision, those decisions are public, it becomes the policy of the state," he said.
"But all of the pre-decisions, you don't go into the, I'll give you a great example, when you go to a restaurant, do you go over there and watch the cook make everything he serves you? No, you just walk into a restaurant, those restaurants you that you think serve a great meal and you order that great meal. You don't want to know how, what the cook put in there, where he got the ingredients, how many people were involved in cooking it, all you care about is a good meal. That's what people of this state are looking for, they're looking for elected officials to go out there and to solve their problems. This bill helps us to do that."
Whatever, Clownfish. Do you prefer being called clown or fish?
It all comes down to government, Jeff. Restaurants have government oversight. It's called the health code. Local governments dispatch inspectors to see if anyone is spitting in the soup or has a filthy walk-in fridge. I bet there's an epidemic of soup spitting when kitchen staffs in New Orleans hear The Clownfish is dining with them.
This dumbass restaurant analogy is a reminder that The Clownfish is a few sandwiches short of a picnic. I guess he's never heard of eateries whose kitchens are set up so diners can watch the chefs chef and the sous chefs sous. I'm from a restaurant family so I get a kick out of watching the cooks cook and the pastry chefs pastry. It's called transparency, which is even more important in government. Of course, Jeff Landry and the GOP super majority hate government.
Landry is a common name in the Gret Stet of Louisiana. There's even a seafood restaurant in New Orleans with The Clownfish's surname emblazoned on it, Landry's. I haven't eaten there in ages, but it's bound to be more palatable than the swill served up by the Governor and his allies in the lege.
Since Landry is fond of food analogies, he should open a restaurant catering to his base, Clownfish Restaurant. Like many seafood eateries in Louisiana, it would have an aquarium. That way Landry could see his fishy relations every day. Of course, he might look askance at aquariums because they're inherently transparent.
I was originally going to write a full menu for Clownfish Restaurant but one of the OG New Orleans bloggers has a better idea. And when Dangerblond speaks, I listen.
The only dish I had on the menu was Trumpalaya; a variation on Jambalaya with Cheeto dust to make the dish a Trumpy orange. I *am* making this up.
Pro-tip: Don't wear a mask to Clownfish Restaurant, the servers have been ordered to rip off masks even if it's Carnival and a mask is part of your costume. Who the hell wants to refight the mask wars?
Gordon Ramsay has revived Kitchen Nightmares, so perhaps he could intervene to save us from the rats in the gubernatorial kitchen. It's a terrible remake of Ratatouille that would surely make Ramsay pose this question:
That GIF is from Hell's Kitchen, which is where the Landry administration is heading, straight to hell. Sorry Gordon, finesse is not Jeff Landry's jam.
The Clownfish has made other bizarre claims recently:
They're moving because our constitution is too long and absurdly detailed? Let me hazard a guess: It probably has something to do with record high insurance rates or with Louisiana's extreme anti-abortion law, which endangers doctors and pregnant women alike. I could go on and on, but I'll leave the bloviating to the Governor.
The Landry administration is so extreme that we should change the Gret Stet's nickname from Sportsman's Paradise to Wingnut's Paradise. The Clownfish would deny that he's a wingnut, he claims to be a conservative. There's nothing conservative about his radical agenda. Conservatives used to be against activist government, now they view government as a cudgel to use against their enemies; owning the libs is all that matters. They can go fuck themselves.
Repeat after me: Don't call them conservatives.
Should there ever be a Clownfish Restaurant make sure to barge into the kitchen and spit in the gumbo. Do NOT order the Trumpalaya or drink the Kool-Aid. Why take a chance on being transformed into a follower of Cheeto Jesus?
The last word goes to Little Feat:
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