"Having it all" also means DOING it all…

By carolom on June 30, 2024

In the 70s, a rising wave of dynamic feminist action allowed women to enter workplaces and pursue careers that had previously been closed or unattainable.

However, despite access to these systems, issues of childcare, pay equality, and equal opportunity persist long after that first wave of feminist action. During this time of radical social change , a common mantra was that women could have it all.

Yet, this statement overlooked the reality that having it all often meant doing it all!

Women aspiring to balance motherhood, a career, and high-level engagement in their children's activities, self awareness and conscious relationships, healthy lifestyle, diet, personal and community interests, face significant demands on their time, attention, money, and focus.

The notion of having everything might sound appealing, but in reality, many women today feel highly stressed, depleted, and exhausted from trying to do it all in order to have it all.

That first wave of contemporary feminism celebrated having access to previously closed domains and assured women that motherhood, career and a fabulous life is available to her. The whole lot!

But at what cost? We are really only just discovering the disempowering reality of that statement you can have it all.

Different Stages of Life and Shifting Priorities

Throughout different stages of life, our priorities naturally shift. What we are passionate about in our 20s and 30s may lose its significance by the time we reach our 60s.

Early adulthood often focuses on career building, child rearing and personal growth, but as we age, our values may change, and we might place more importance on family, community, health, and leisure.

The pursuit of having it all can place tremendous stress on women, who must constantly adapt to these changing priorities while managing the expectations imposed by society.

The Impact of Having It All on Women's Biology:

The pressure to have it all disregards the biological realities of women's lives. Women's natural cycles, including the menstrual cycle, involves ebbs and flows that are not accommodated by the systems designed predominantly by men who have created homogenised settings where everyone will generate high output for the entirety of their working life .

This lack of understanding and wisdom into the rhythms and flows of nature as well as the needs and challenges of full-time parenting can exacerbate stress and fatigue, leading to negative effects on both physical, emotional, spiritual and mental health.

How Having It All can affect Mental Health and Well-Being

Increased Pressure: Women face immense pressure to excel in multiple roles simultaneously, leading to burnout and stress.
- Mental Health Impact: This pressure can cause chronic stress, anxiety, and feelings of being overwhelmed, contributing to burnout.
- Solution: Saying no to having it all involves setting realistic goals and boundaries. Prioritise what truly matters to you and focus on doing a few things well rather than everything adequately. Quality of life improves when stress is reduced and manageable goals are set.
Unrealistic Expectations: The idea sets unattainable standards, making women feel inadequate if they cannot meet every expectation.
- Mental Health Impact: Constantly falling short of these expectations can lead to low self-esteem, feelings of failure, and depression.
- Solution: Embrace the concept of "good enough" instead of perfection. Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. This shift in mindset can foster a healthier self-image and greater satisfaction.
Work-Life Imbalance: The demand to juggle career and family responsibilities often leads to an imbalance, with women struggling to find time for themselves.
- Mental Health Impact: This imbalance can result in chronic fatigue, stress, and a lack of personal fulfilment, affecting overall well-being.
- Solution: Prioritise self-care and make time for activities that rejuvenate you. Delegate tasks where possible and communicate your needs to your family and workplace. Quality time for yourself is crucial for maintaining mental health.
Guilt and Shame: Women may feel guilty for prioritising one aspect of their life over another, such as focusing on their career at the expense of family time, or vice versa.
- Mental Health Impact: Persistent guilt and shame can erode self-confidence and contribute to anxiety and depression.
- Solution: Practise self-compassion and recognise that it's impossible to please everyone all the time. Focus on making decisions that align with your values and well-being, reducing the burden of guilt.
Mental Health Issues: The constant stress and pressure can contribute to anxiety, depression, and other mental health problems.
- Mental Health Impact: Chronic stress and unaddressed mental health issues can lead to more severe psychological problems and a decrease in overall quality of life.
- Solution: Seek professional help when needed and incorporate regular mental health practices, such as mindfulness or therapy, into your routine. Prioritising mental health is essential for overall well-being.
Lack of Support: Societal expectations often overlook the need for strong support systems, leaving women to manage overwhelming responsibilities alone.
- Mental Health Impact: Isolation and lack of support can exacerbate stress and lead to feelings of loneliness and helplessness.
- Solution: Build and rely on a support network of family, friends, and community resources. Share responsibilities and seek help when needed, fostering a sense of community and shared burden.
Economic Strain: Striving to provide the best opportunities for children in sports, music, and extracurricular activities can be financially draining.
- Mental Health Impact: Financial stress can cause anxiety, strain relationships, and affect overall mental health.
- Solution: Prioritise activities that are most meaningful and beneficial, and set a realistic budget. Focus on quality experiences that enrich your family's life without causing financial hardship.
Relationship Strain: The strain of trying to balance everything can lead to tensions and conflicts in personal relationships, including marriages and partnerships.
- Mental Health Impact: Relationship strain can contribute to emotional distress and a sense of isolation.
- Solution: Prioritise open communication and mutual support within relationships. Focus on building a strong partnership where responsibilities are shared and both partners' needs are considered.
Perpetuation of Inequality: By suggesting women should handle everything, which is an unspoken but necessary part of "having it all" can reinforce traditional gender roles and discourage fair and equal sharing of responsibilities between men and women.
- Mental Health Impact: This perpetuates inequality, leading to frustration and feelings of being undervalued.
- Solution: Advocate for gender equality in both the workplace and at home. Encourage sharing of responsibilities and challenge traditional gender roles. Fostering equality contributes to a healthier, more balanced life for everyone involved.
Professional Sacrifices: Women may find themselves making career sacrifices to fulfil family obligations, impacting their professional growth and opportunities.
- Mental Health Impact: This can lead to feelings of resentment, reduced self-worth, and career dissatisfaction. Hi hon
- Solution: Advocate for flexible work arrangements and seek opportunities that allow for a balance between career and family. Recognise and celebrate career achievements, no matter the scale

Saying no to the pressure of "having it all "and focusing on quality over quantity can lead to a more fulfilling and nurturing life.

By prioritising mental health, setting realistic expectations, and building supportive communities, women can achieve a balanced and meaningful life. Recognising that our priorities and passions evolve with different stages of life allows us to adapt and thrive without succumbing to the unrealistic demands of having it all.