I Forgive You, But It's More For Me Than For YouFinding strength and happiness in forgiveness, even when they don't deserve it.
Forgiveness. That word had been haunting me for the past two weeks. I didn’t know why, at first, but it lingered. It followed me around, tugging at my thoughts, refusing to be ignored. Eventually, I had to pause all the other posts sitting in my drafts, waiting to be finished, just to write this one. I don’t exactly know why. Maybe it’s so I can finally understand what forgiveness really means. Maybe my instincts are telling me that it’s time to release it all. Maybe, just maybe, some of you who’ve stumbled upon this, needed it as much as I do. Then maybe, it’s time we both learn how to forgive, this time around. There’s power in forgiveness. That’s what people say, or at least, that’s what I’ve been hearing in sermons at church these past two weeks. They say forgiveness isn’t really about the person who wronged us, it’s more about freeing ourselves. And that’s the hard part, especially when the other person didn’t deserve it, not one bit. But maybe that’s exactly why the word forgiveness has been haunting me lately. Maybe it’s my instincts, or maybe it’s God, trying to tell me that I’ve been holding on to this pain for far too long. Because somewhere along the way, this pain started giving me a false sense of control. It made me feel powerful, like I was protecting myself. But in truth, it was just keeping me stuck in the past. Instead of breaking free and living the life I’m meant to live, I’ve been trapped in a cycle of holding on. I’ve been hurt many times throughout my adult life. More, I think, than in my teenage and childhood years. And somehow, it just sticks with me more. I certainly didn’t think much about forgiveness as a child, or a teenager, because there’s always this belief in the back of our heads, that we’ve still got time. That we didn’t need to do this now to move on, because there’s still time to fix things. To grow, to change and by then, we’d forget all about it. But as adults, pain feels heavier. It settles in deeper. Like scars that refuse to fade. Especially when some of the deepest wounds come from the people close to us. People we trusted. People in our inner circles. It’s one thing to be hurt by a stranger, but when it’s someone you love? Someone you let in? Or worse, look up to? That kind of pain just doesn’t brush off easily.
Many have told me that I tend to hold grudges. That I remember every slight, every betrayal, no matter how small. And they’re not wrong. I keep mental catalogs of what people have done to me, and sometimes, I’d revisit them like old photo albums. It’s a toxic habit of mine, one I’ve tried again and again to break. But like all habits that die hard, it finds its way back into my life when I’m not looking. These past few months, I’ve been isolating myself more lately, and I know that this is not healthy, but it has become my way of escaping. People just seemed to grow more toxic lately, and maybe it’s just the community that I surround myself with, but I just feel more comfortable isolating myself, instead of dealing with everyone. No matter where I go, or who I meet, I’m constantly met with endless criticisms for some reason. Either from what I wear (literally something simple and casual, fit for the occasion), how I look like (whether I’ve gained weight or not), the way I act (even when I’ve been the same quiet person this whole time), basically anything. And those criticisms just add to the long list of grudges I hold, again and again. Until now, when I’ve been forced to confront all of this on my own. I know it sounds unfair. Because think about it, they’ve wronged us, and yet, we’re the ones who are supposed to confront all our emotions on our own. Some of these people didn’t even deserve my forgiveness. Hell, some haven’t even apologized, not realizing what they were doing was wrong, and unkind. But after I listened to the sermons at church these past two weeks (that talked about forgiveness consecutively, in familial relationships and friendships), I realized that maybe this is something I really need to be working on. Not to mention the constant reels that keep popping up on my social media feeds during my doomscrolling sessions, that’s specifically about this. It made me realize that I want to be free of it. I want to find a way to forgive, not because they deserve it, but because I do. I’m tired of carrying this weight around, waiting for them to realize their mistakes, for the universe to right their wrongs, because of what they did to me. I just want to move on, I want to be happy, to let go and protect my peace, even when they would never realize what they’ve done.
Forgiveness isn’t easy. There are days when my mind still quake with rage for what they did to me. Or to my loved ones, but it is necessary. It’s important to remind ourselves that, that’s where the power is. Not in holding on, but in releasing. Not in waiting for an apology, but in deciding that our peace will always matter more. So, how do we do that? The first step is to accept it. At least, that’s what I’m learning to do right now. I’m working on accepting what they’ve done, not to excuse it, but to remind myself that often, people act without thinking. Maybe they had a bad day, maybe they’re carrying burdens too heavy to bear, and I became an outlet because I seemed like an easy target at that time. Maybe some of them are just terrible people, but even then, at least I get to see who they really are with my own eyes. I get to understand them, and in doing so, find ways to protect myself, if our paths crossed again. The people who have wronged us often carry wounds even deeper than ours, or that they didn’t have the necessary ‘weapons’ to go through their pain. And you know what? We don’t need to carry that with us. Ultimately, it’s their choice to be who they are, but it’s our choice to be who we want to be, and the way we want to be remembered in this world. It’s our choice, whether to hold on to all this anger, or to choose our peace and move on. Besides, the best revenge isn’t bitterness or anger. It’s our happiness. Sincerely, Cherie. The Whiffler is free today. But if you enjoyed this post, you can tell The Whiffler that their writing is valuable by pledging a future subscription. You won't be charged unless they enable payments.
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Thursday, 25 September 2025
I Forgive You, But It's More For Me Than For You
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