By - Krishanu Das
The feeling of love is one of the most beautiful feelings in the world. It's a powerful emotion that can make us feel both happy and sad at the same time. The term "love" refers to an overwhelming emotion of heartfelt affection. But does it exactly define the true essence of Love?
I was about 15 or 16 years old at the time, and I was trying to figure out a lot of things in life. I was running late, especially for an Indian kid from a middle-class family who was expected to have figured out their life by this point. It was difficult for me to find significance in many things, but one day I came across something that made perfect sense to me. It was probably insignificant to most others, but it meant everything to me at the time. My life was turned upside down, and everything that didn't make sense before began to make sense. I met a girl. She wasn't perfect, but she seemed to be able to complete me.
My friends thought I was crazy and that I wasn't making any sense, but at the time, their opinions didn't matter to me. This girl was all that mattered to me. She was in my class, so I made it a point to speak with her daily and get to know her. She was incredibly sweet to me, and I always felt "PERFECT" when I was in her company. I was so delighted that I used to look forward to going to school, and when school finished, I was upset, but the anticipation of seeing her again kept me awake all night. I was genuinely happy and everything was just "PERFECT", but I suppose nothing is supposed to be perfect in this universe.
I went up to the girl and confessed my feelings for her with a lot of courage. Her smile had vanished, and I couldn't think of anything else at the time. I'd exhausted all other options and was simply hoping to God that she'd say yes. But it appears that the universe had other plans for me. She said "no", and I didn't know how to react to it. Everything just went blank for a moment and I didn't have anything to say.
Everything that previously made sense to me began to disintegrate, and nothing appeared to make sense to me. Going to school was a burden, sitting in class was excruciating, and seeing the same beautiful face every day was depressing. I had blamed everyone up until this moment, and then I started blaming myself. Was it, however, entirely my fault? I'd only done one thing: I'd fallen in love. I had no idea how to communicate my feelings, and all I could think about was being rejected. My sorrow had turned to rage, and I couldn't seem to settle down. The tension and restlessness were unbearable.
At this moment, all I could think about was blaming the girl, and my rage seemed to know no bounds. I simply wanted to express my rage, and I had painted her as the villain in this situation. I couldn't accept the fact that she had rejected me, and seeing her made me feel horrible. Was she, however, the "terrible" person I painted her to be? She made a decision that she had every right to make.
At this point, I realised the issue was with myself and with society, which believes that if a person makes a decision for their own good, we label them as "bad" people if their choices do not coincide with our own. Every individual has the right to make their own choices, and we, as individuals in society, must respect those choices and learn to accept differing viewpoints. I felt it convenient to blame the girl because I had to learn it the hard way. "Consent" is something that transcends people's and society's opinions, so maybe I was supposed to be blamed at this point?
"Time is the finest healer," as someone once said. I believe in my case, I just analyzed the situation and realised that sometimes not everything is in my control. That's when I realised that not everything is supposed to make sense and that some things just "happen." I believe that at this moment, I had made peace with all of my sadness, anger, and restlessness and that this helped me to escape from the situation.
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