I'm still shaking my head at my chaotic thoughts, the chaotic post I wrote a day ago...
I was literally 'full of myself', so megalomaniac...
So much that my mind, my 'system' exploded...
And after that, it imploded.
'It' didn't know what to do anymore.
My thoughts seemed to disappear suddenly....
And today a whole new 'thought', a reality, dawned upon me.
I suddenly realized that most of the thoughts and assumptions I've had throughout my life about myself, and about the word around me, are simply self-fabricated, fabricated on endless other thoughts, with the starting point nowhere to be seen.
I realized that most of the thoughts I had (and still have) are completely unnessecary.
And that the only thoughts that are necessary, are the ones I use to perform a task.
(Such as writing this post, doing other tasks, at work).
All the other thoughts: positive thoughts, negative thoughts, hateful thoughts, vengeful thoughts, depressing thoughts, uplifting thoughts... are not necessary, and not important.
Today is a day of clarity. I can finally look at the reality how it is.
Reality is the world around me; the floor underneath my feet, the shadow coming from the trees, the water that I drink. The skin and muscles (and muscle nots etc..) that I feel in my hands when I'm at work (I'm a massage therapist). Everything that I can hear, see, and feel.
Just everything that is 'there', without making assumptions.
I know many 'spiritual' people, such as Sadhguru, have spoken about this:
'Just experience reality how it is. Not your assumptions about it.'
But up until yesterday, I did not understand this by experience, I only 'understood' it by trying to understand it.
But now I'm done, 'trying to understand' it.
This realization just came to me. After the chaos.
Life can be so simple.
'All these thoughts I have, they are simply not needed'.
I just have to learn to use my thoughts at my advantage, not at my disadvantage.
I have to work with reality as it is, not with endless and baseless assumptions.
Learning to work with reality as it is, NOT as I think it is, and certainly not against it.
People like to call it 'mindfulness'.
But I'd rather call it 'mind emptiness, with a few necessary thoughts'.
Such a funny feeling. I feel very light. As if a huge burden came off from my shoulders.
At the moment, It feels like I'm being 'awake' from myself, from my endless thoughts.
Because, at the moment, I don't need them any more. I don't need my own psychological drama any longer.
'Wide awake and free from myself.' That's how I feel. And it feels good.
I feel like I'm finally ready to explore the world... Without additional psychological drama.
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