Self-analysis requires reconsideration of who we think we are. Self-awareness requires us to reassess where we came from and where we are going.
Kilroy J. Oldster
I got the inspiration to do a review of the first quarter of the year from a newsletter I came across a couple of weeks back. It's less than 24 hours to the second month in the second quarter but I'll still share regardless. I caught myself trying to follow the style of writing by the other writer, my mind went 'why?
And I'm like 'why what?'.
'Why are you trying to make your writing fit into a certain narrative or standard which you're not comfortable with?'
All because I sometimes don't see myself as a really great writer (or should I say a coherent writer?). A writer who puts things in sections, uses flamboyant words and has their thoughts collected even before they start typing or the one whose articles go 'viral'.
This is a serious diversion from what I'm actually writing about, but I guess I can find a way to string them all together (I didn't).
I actually started this year pretty optimistic. I had so many plans and goals for every aspect of my life. And I believe I'm on the right track to achieving most, if not all of them. Although there's been a whole lot of drama and with everything that has happened from the 2nd of January till the 30th of April, I can say 'everything that can go wrong, will go wrong and usually simultaneously'.
So let me see how much information I can give without oversharing.
My plan for my career this year wasn't really for growth. It was mostly for stability. But I wasn't opposed to the idea of landing that job that'll give me the opportunity to actually go on vacations (even if it's just to Ibadan/Abuja for a weekend) without constantly checking my bank apps.
Funny how life is. I wanted stability but I have gotten reduction. No, I'm not jobless. Not sure I can ever be really (something is always happening). I'm sure I'll find my way back. Not worried.
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My plans for my mental health this year were also similar to my career. Stability. But this time, the type where you're using a folded sheet of paper to keep something in place. I just wanted to avoid stress this year. In specific areas but generally too.
This is one aspect I'm not really sure how to evaluate just yet.
Yes, I've had the crying and mindless scrolling sessions, the horrible feelings of not being needed etc etc. But I've also made attempts to meditate and quiet my thoughts. Attempts to make new friends and stop behaving like a wall gecko. The attempts to stop looking around when I can focus on my journey. The attempts to only entertain what works for me and doesn't trigger me.
That's still a work in progress. I'll give updates on how that's going, hopefully soon.
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Let's talk about spirituality. I don't know if it's a general saying or a Bible verse, but I've heard 'may our former days not be better than the latter' multiple times....amen by the way.
But for my spirituality, I'll say the former days are actually better than what's happening right now. My friends keep calling me a pegan (but they mean Ietsism) because I don't remember the last time I entered a church building.
I personally don't think it's that bad because I still do my daily devotional, pray, listen to religious music everyday. But the idea of gathering with other people makes me feel (and I'm trying to pick my words right) rather unsafe.
I guess this is something I need to fix from the inside first, and maybe there'll be an update sooner than later.
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There are so many other aspects of my life that are currently undergoing construction, so it's hard to share details without sounding foolish. Hopefully I can give more information as time goes by and they materialise.
Have you ever had this feeling? Things are going great, you can see the finish line and feeling confident that you'll get there soon. But as you get closer, the finish line just seems to become further away?
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Before I go, I'd love if you described your Q1 in a sentence. And what would you rate it on a scale of 1-5?
My response: Q1 was very testing. 2.5.
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Finally, here are somethings I'd love you to check out:
My friend and I are working on a project. We want to tell the stories of young adults doing relatively great things with their lives. Follow us to stay up to date on launch and the interviews.
A video that made me look at grief in a different light.
A video that explained how prayer should be.
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Till next time,
Soye.
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