Sunday and relaxing at Starbucks and some thoughts on who I am and this side of my life

susanmiller64

March 30

It is Sunday and I plan to spend the afternoon and evening as Susan. I have thought a lot about it over the years and my need to dress and express my feminine side, don't get me wrong I still don't have all the answers about this side of myself. Again this is my views and how I look at being transgender and in no way means it is correct for everyone, just me. The thing I do know is I do have a need; it is called Gender dysphoria. Now a lot of people associate this with transexuals, those who fully want to transition to full time and have surgeries to make their bodies correct. Now I don't want to oversimplify tis or make it seem irrelevant but to make it so most people can understand it think of it as the flu. Some people get the flu and they are really sick and need to go to the hospital and get lots of medication and others can rest a day and be fine with little medication. Those who are transexual need to completely realign their bodies and life to match who they feel they truly are, yes the hospital (surgeries) and medications (hormones). There is also a big part that of the transgender community that doesn't need all that, they have a milder form of gender dysphoria and they can deal with it by expressing part time, these are what society generally calls Crossdressers but we really are more then that, we are transgender also. Some can fill this need with dressing a few times a year or wearing female under garments under their male clothes, others need to express it more often and more complete.

For me personally I can be happy with who I am if I can express this side of myself every few weeks, yes I do dress several times a week but that is because I enjoy it and my female side is a big part of who I am. What I mean by every few weeks is if I go longer then that I get a little irritable, stressed out and yes it affects my sleep, this is the physical effect this side of my life has on me. Think of something in your life you really enjoy, is really important to you, that you look forward to doing and now imagine how you would feel if that went away or you could never do it again and how you would feel. Now yes I have had my toenails painted for many years and for over 2 years now I have had short acrylic nails and yes that does help some as I can see them but the main reason I do this is I like them. I still need that time every so often to truly express this side of me and for Transexuals that is all the time every day. There is a part to this about how I interact with the world around me and how they interact with me. This is not about politics or religion it is about the person I am and who you are as a person. What I want and most transgender people want is to be their true self and accepted and left alone. When I am out I don't expect everyone around me to come over and talk to me and cheer me on or want to be my best friend, although I do love it when people talk to me. I just want to be able to go about my day like anyone else and be treated with the same respect. If you feel uncomfortable around me that is fine just go about your business and I will do the same as we all have people in this world we may not see eye to eye with but we need to respect them. just some of my personal random thoughts and again is not how everyone thinks or views life.

Well as I said it is Sunday and part of my Sunday is Susan time. I try to express this side of myself 3 times a week, Wednesday night dinners, Saturday afternoons when I am just out and about and Sundays. Sundays really are more about me though. I grew up with wonderful parents and Sunday was always a Family Day, church in the morning and then family time in the afternoon with a family dinner. When my parents went into assisted living the family time and dinner was at my house. When my parents passed away it was still important for me to continue this I just added Susan to the mix. I think that is why I go to the same Starbucks every Sunday as in a way it does give me that sense of family. I usually go for a couple hours give or take between 2 and 6 but there is also another reason. Over the years Susan has become more then just an expression of who I am, she is part of who I am and for that as Susan I need to interact with the world not just sit in my house. I do find it hard to just dress at home, yes I will on occasion put on some makeup at home or even do a full-face makeup but when I completely transform myself there is a need to go out and yes it can be as simple as a couple hours at Starbuck, a trip to the grocery store or to get fast food. I am not sure why I feel this way but I think it is because doing something other than sitting at home give purpose and meaning to this side of who I am. That is why I think I have turned over some things in my life to my female side, shopping and taking care of my finances. I think it is important for us all to find that purpose or meaning in our life.

I got dressed today and was ready by 2:30 and got my usual pictures before going to Starbucks. They were a little busy but one table was opened along the window by Ryan, I met him here over a year ago and he usually talks with me. I have actually met several people here I see and talk with which I think goes back to that sense of family time. I got my drink and sat down and Ryan and I talked briefly before I started working on my blog from Saturday which is another reason I like to come to Starbucks as I like writing about this side of my life when I am living this side of my life. Ryan left about 30 minutes later and it thinned out and the tables opened up. Soon I was the only one sitting by the window and a lady came in and sat down at the table right next to me which I always view as a positive. We didn't talk as she was doing what looked like schoolwork but she still sat next to me. she did sneeze a couple times and I said God bless you both times as it is an easy way to interact and she thanked me both times but that was it. I finished and posted my blog and went on to other work as it is a relaxing way to spend some time.

It was a little after 5pm and the lady next to me started packing up to leave, as she got up she asked if I was finished with my drink and I said yes and she offered to throw my cup away with hers which I thought was nice and I thanked her. As she got her stuff to leave she wished me a good evening and I did the same. Now I was thinking maybe she wanted to talk with me but wasn't sure how to start the conversation which I can understand. Maybe I will see her here again. I stayed bout 15minutes more before I left. I made a quick stop at the store to pick some stuff up and get something for dinner before going home for the night. It was a short outing as Susan but a good one.

At hoe I made dinner and watched Netflix. I have wanted to see the second Mama Mia movie here we go again as I loved the first one but ended up watch both the first one and then the second one. Now I will admit the first one is better but the second one gives you information about how the first one started, mainly how she met the 3 men and got to where she was so yes watch both of them, plus I love ABBA music. It was a good day and now I am looking forward to our Wednesday night dinner at Old Spaghetti Factory on the Willamette River.