Like the owner, many things on these premises aren't working – an illustrated, five-minute comic script
SCENE 1: EXT. GARAGE DOOR – NIGHT
FX: CLINK
By phone torch light, Brother-in-Law holds a key's bow. Its blade lies on the ground.
BROTHER-IN-LAW: Ball-ache.
FX: APPROACHING STEPS
NEIGHBOUR-SOUTH: A'right? Jist wondering whit yeu're daein'.
By phone torch light, Brother-in-Law ruefully surveys his backed-up car with open boot.
SCENE 2: EXT. GARAGE DOOR – NIGHT
Car's driver door slams shut. Engine fires. Neighbour-south strolls away down the drive.
SCENE 3: INT. HALL – NIGHT
FX: PHONE TING
Phone screen lights up with text message from BROTHER-IN-LAW: I just put the key in the lock and it fell in half.
Typing on phone screen: A likely story.
SCENE 4: INT. FRONT DOOR – DAY
FX: PHONE TING
Phone screen lights up with text message from NEIGHBOUR-WEST: I was just walking past your front door when the plastic trim came off. It's in my boiler room defrosting. When it softens up it will be straighter to bond in.
Typing on phone screen: A snail did it and ran away.
SCENE 5: EXT. GARAGE DOOR – DAY
FX: RATTLE, THUMP
Door shudders. A hand-saw blade tip protrudes between the door and frame, beside the handle, and proceeds to work down.
FX: SAWING, CLINK, CLATTER
SCENE 6: INT. FRONT DOOR – DAY
FX: THUMPS, CLATTER
Neighbour-west's figure moves beyond the frosted glass.
SCENE 7: INT. FRONT DOOR – DAY
FX: CLATTER, CLINK
Door lock in several parts drops through letterbox.
FX: PHONE TING
Phone screen lights up with text message from NEIGHBOUR-WEST: New lock needed.
Typing on phone screen: Oh, really?
Text message from NEIGHBOUR-WEST: Garage door needs reducing to fit properly. Plastic strip back on front door but still bowed so it could pop off again. Aluminium extrusion is too far back.
Typing on phone screen: But is it snail-proof?
SCENE 8: INT. HALL – DAY
Typing on phone screen: Seemed a lot of chat going on out there this morning. Next you'll be taking a lunch break.
FX: PHONE TING
Text message from NEIGHBOUR-WEST: Already on the lunch break.
FX: PHONE TING
Text message from NEIGHBOUR-WEST: I'm still number-crunching to give you the best price and a good discount. My time while performing the work was slowed by the owner and gardener who wanted to chat so that has had to be charged to the job plus my lunch. The gardener did say he wondered if he would get a key.
Typing on phone screen: I noticed the additional metal bracing bracket at the foot of the door. That will be all that is holding it together now. Was training of the gardener included in the job? If he is signed off as competent, I can issue him with a key.
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