The Year 2022.

Soye Soul

Jan 1

If you don't feel like yourself right now, it's probably because you're not that person anymore. Sometimes you fall apart and when you go to put yourself back together again, you'll find that there are missing pieces.

Parts of you have been lost along the way but it's important that you don't go searching for them. You don't need to backtrack to feel whole again, this is your opportunity to grow, your chance to bloom into the person you've always wanted to be.

You might have lost parts of yourself along the way, but you'll never be incomplete. You are enough all on your own. Keep going.

Seyda Noir.

If I was to rate 2022 like a food blogger/vlogger would, it'll probably get a 5/10...and that's me being generous. It's not in my top 23 years (or should I say top 18, because life doesn't really start counting until you're about 6, in my opinion).

As much as it's been pretty crappy, it's also been a year of great things: I turned 23, learned new skills, got some lost things back, didn't lose any close family member or friend physically. It was also a terrible year: lost some relationships emotionally, had to deal with some family drama (still at it), lost opportunities, was disappointed multiple times, etc etc.

To make things concise, let me categorise the review for year 2022 - career, finances, relationships, health, etc.

Career-wise, it was a great year. I joined a really great company and made tons of friends (or should I still refer to them as acquaintances?), I won an award at work (yes, I was shocked too but I think it's office politics working in my favour). I did quite a lot of work, both for the company and other extra-curricular activities, which I'm trying to use to dismantle the hold that poverty currently has on my bank accounts.

It took a lot of swallowing (of pride) to come to terms with the fact that I'm not utilising my skills well enough, and I could be doing much better than I currently am...with a little less tenacity and more creativity. So that's one thing I'm looking forward to doing in this new year 2023.

Since we're still in this space, I'll talk about my finances.

I was able to increase my earnings by quite a significant amount, I was able to save more (and it ended saving me from hunger, but I still saved), I've been able to feed myself consistently with little to no help (really became an adult this year, creepy) but I'm still bitter towards 2022 because I could have done much more. You know when you have something clearly stated out as a plan and it purposely doesn't go according to said plan? That was my finances last year. But I am hopeful for this year and you should be too, because in actual fact, it only does get better (when you put effort).

Speaking of effort, I joined the gym in September. Before I go on, you should actual laugh at me cause I didn't last up to 3 weeks...but for various reasons: work, the people at the gym would not leave me be (that's the result of not being able to speak up for oneself), and I was just having a lot of leg cramps (one thing about me, I HATE leg cramps).

But I'm going to give it another go this year, maybe by February because my bank account is still trying to recover from whatever December was. That'll also give me time to learn to speak up for myself.

In order for me to be able to speak up for myself, there's years of been shut down that needs to be worked on with Therapy. But that service is very expensive, so I'm just going to stick to listening to podcasts, taking long walks and hope for the best.

Next, let's talk about friendships/relationships. It's been pretty weird for me because I'm not exactly in touch with my emotions when it comes to things like that, but it's something I tried to work on - for the relationship part, I can't really saying if it's going according to plan or not. For friendships, I finally realized I'm not one who can handle having multiple friends and by multiple I mean above 5. It becomes a chore and I start spirally and neglecting everyone together.

So for 2023, I'm going to stick with my semi-circle and try to make the best out of it. Because I don't know why my friends will be going for parties or planning hangouts and not invite me (even if I'll say no, still invite me)...I'm going to fight that battle offline, wish me luck.

There were a couple of other things I wished I had sorted out by now (and even years ago), but they keep eluding me. Which has got me thinking: am I focusing and aiming for the wrong things? am I looking the wrong way? So, I am going to try to find some answers this year.

If you're also searching for answers, I think a trick that would work is to stop looking at it as a grand event (it is), but just another day you'll experience or activity that you'll do on earth. Isn't that like gaslighting yourself? Life truly is confusing, but sometimes you need to do whatever it takes to stay sane and happy.

It might sound gloomy and contrary to what I would normally say to water down your goals, but another thing I learnt about myself in 2022 is that I'm inherently a sad person. And because I have tried to alter that part of myself and become this rainbow-sunshine-candy person, it has caused a lot of issues and cost me quite a number of things which I'm not grown enough to admit.

Life, as most of us should know, is not a bed of roses. I have also come to learn that it is, in fact, a bed of thorns which occasionally springs forth roses.

And that isn't entirely a bad thing, it's sad, but not bad. It just means we're able to manage our expectations a bit more and when we do decide to go all out, we should expect some resistance because it's not normal for things to automatically go as planned.

This shouldn't make us sad or pessimistic about life, but it should be motivation to keep going and do so with all our strength because if the default response to all your requests is negative, why aren't you trying to stick a tongue out in life's face with a positive outcome?

One of the days I felt actual happiness last year...

2023 Goals

I have a couple of things I'm looking to marking off my list of goals this year, but I can't share all of them and I'm not sure I'm ready to. But I can say when they're off the list, they'll get to feature on the blog.

One thing I can share are some plans for the blog. There was a lot going on towards the end of 2022 and I slowly got into a dark place which made it difficult to write and share my thoughts about life, without coming off like a brat.

But I had a conversation with an acquaintance (love this word so much), who just made me understand that everyone has problems and sometimes it makes it a little more bearable when you know you're not the only being on earth struggling through whatever. (more on this in another post).

So this year, I'll write even when I don't think anyone wants to read because it could help 1 person to hold on a bit longer to life...and really, that's all that matters.

This year, I want to learn how to take pictures by myself, for myself. I also want to do something about my hair (thinking of locing it), I am also looking forward to growing my earnings and getting better benefits, while building an actual career.

Some other goals are based on projects, health, spirituality, leisure travel plans, etc etc and I am hopeful that I can achieve almost everything if I put my mind to it.

So how was 2022? Are you winging 2023 or planning on being flexible like me?

Wind Down (A New Section)

Try This: Write down your goals and break them into (1) categories (2) quarters of the year. This way, you'll be able to measure your growth, while you avoid getting overwhelmed.

Think On This: When were you happiest in 2022? Why that day/period? Can you replicate multiple versions for 2023?

Remember This: Focus on the good things because the bad things would always stand out.

Even though I fought with the urge to do a recap of 2022, it just seems like the best way to send away the year and its drama. So enjoy, watch here.

If you got to this point, you deserve a cold glass of Chapman.

Do enjoy 2023. Smash your goals. Stay smiling.

With love,

Soye.