Exploring Patriarchy - Chapter 29
They can't shape her in their likeness,
can't swallow her whole.
Can't figure her out as she won't keep her dreams small.
She doesn't want the comfort of the walls that they chose.
Or their self-inflicted constraints.
And their "Don't walk down that road."
They feel she takes risks
and they can't understand why she'll fight for the right to rest
they worry the price is too high.
She won't live with regret that she let time pass her by
and she'll make her mistakes, but she'll take comfort in knowing she tried.
MM had seen quite a few families where elderly disfunction runs high. Much of it supported by tradition where elders express love by allowing younger women to serve them. Even when they are well enough to serve themselves, and on days when it's obvious the younger woman is a caregiver who is struggling. And who copes by taking one day at a time.
She'd seen elderly getting rid of their maids and helpers so they save their children the expenses they (the children) incur on paid support systems. And she'd seen these things happen during times the family had a tremendous need for support because someone was unwell or needed care while recuperating.
The elderly in the India of today grew up at a time when income levels were lower. Frugal living was a necessity and not a choice one made. Families in those days were large enough that care could be shared. And Neighbours were involved in each other's lives and were a support system to each other.
Times are different now. Support systems rest largely within the family unit with occasional support from relatives and family friends. The average income level of today covers a fairly high level of expenditure on celebrations, holidays and clothing. MM had seen this even among families that struggled to pay for the extra tuition that is a necessary part of education here in India.
She had seen many families with average income levels who live simple, and therefore have enough for some expense on support systems for eldercare. Support systems that are necessary as they help the home manager cum caregiver support those in the family that work hours that are often quite long and spend four hours a day commuting to work. Support systems necessary for caregivers who work.
For home managers, keeping one's career going isn't always about income. Sometimes it's about doing something one enjoys. About getting a break from the chores and caregiving. And about having a slice of life that one can hold on to when children grow up and when elders pass on. And about having some level of financial independence and a potential career as a safety net for oneself and for the family because life is so uncertain.
MM felt that families and the community at large often forget that caregivers need care too.
I invite you to read all chapters of Exploring Patriarchy and walk with Microwave Madam as she explores the impact of patriarchy on her life and on society. And looks for solutions.
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