I am just not sure why these terms are so intertwined and confused as frequently as they are. I feel like people think that self love and selfish are the same thing. Well, they aren't.
Let's break it down. Self-love is a positive trait. It includes having a positive regard for yourself. It includes having an understanding of your own self-worth. It includes treating yourself with kindness and care. It is closely related to positive self-esteem and self-compassion. It can have a positive effect on your mental health and well-being and all of your relationships. I cannot see the bad side to this. One of my favorite quotes is "Self-love is the key to a joyful life." "Self-care is never a selfish act- it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others."
Selfish, on the other hand, is something very different. To be selfish is to be singularly focused on one's own needs and pleasures to the complete disregard of others. It means having no regard for how your own behavior impacts others. Other words for this would be egocentric, narcissistic and self-centered. Yep, I'm not really sure how this could ever be confused with self- care.
So I say, bring on the massages, the pedicures, the meditations, the quiet reading and the enjoyment of nature. Bring on the quiet contemplative times. Listen to that music that you want to. Do what makes you feel good. If it peripherally affects no one in a harmful way, great? Nothing to worry about. Time to carry on. If there are people in your life that become overly concerned because you are trying to care for yourself, it's perhaps time to cast them aside like the anchors that they are and move forward with the life you would like for yourself. No one should be able to dictate how you live but you.
Dr. Katz
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